Living the Life of a Suburban Jetsetter

2012

2012-01-04T21:27:00.000-08:00

What shall I do this year to make the most of my final year on this earth? I have until Dec 21st.

Well, we started the year off nicely. Friends gathered, imbibed, danced, talked for hours and celebrated at midnight (and well past, for some) I hope a good time was had by all. We weren't even terribly hung over the next morning--It was a New Year's Miracle!!

We kept Maya home from school on Monday, which was a federal holiday that Wayne, and almost every other red-blooded American had off since the actual holiday fell on a Sunday. It was a very smart move because that extra day of break was desperately needed. It was the one normal-feeling day of the entire break: no where to rush off to and nothing to prepare for. Just relax, catch up on homework that was ignored the rest of the break and in bed by 8pm.

And now we're back to life as usual. Good bad or indifferent.

ssshhhh

2011-12-30T15:52:00.000-08:00

The house is quiet; the sun is sinking lower in the sky. I love this twilight time of day, but rarely do I get to enjoy it alone in my house with nothing but the hum of the fridge and the whirr of my computer in the background of my thoughts.

Christmas is past; 2012 is just on the horizon (I can see it!), and I am hoping for a good...no, great... year. It's healthy to be optimistic, right?

Things feel weird and strange and surreal and different lately. Me, my life and I.

I have this insatiable need to clean everything out of my house, but I'm not so successful at the actual follow through; I think about it constantly, though. I need to get rid of the things that make me feel weighed down, burdened. I feel like I did when I was a kid and I would build something up with Legos only to break it apart and start over again. Purge. Rebirth. But how? It's easier to do at age 8 with Legos than at age (almost) 41 with a family.

I love my husband, my kids, my friends, my family, my home...I just feel like what needs demolition and rebuilding is within me.

Time to break the silence.

here we go a caroling...

2011-12-10T22:03:00.000-08:00

Today was a weird day.

It started out with me, my mom and my aunt meeting at my grandparents' house to go through my grandma's Christmas decorations and pick out what we each wanted. Originally I asked my grandpa a few weeks ago if I could have one decoration that my grandma had for as long as I can remember: a set of carolers that she painted.

My grandma was very artistic; she painted wonderfully, and she also wrote poetry. For a person who never went to school beyond 8th grade, she was very well-read and was a great writer. However, painting is what I think most people would remember about my grandma's artistic side (well, and her cake decorating). She worked at a ceramics shop for awhile, and she had a lot of different figurines in her home that she painted; we all had been given gifts that she painted for us. Every grandkid has a piggy bank hand-painted by grandma among other various knick knacks. She tried on several occasions to teach me how to paint, but I just don't have that creative gene.

But the carolers... I loved them, especially!

I asked to borrow them this year because it made me sad that my grandma's cherished Christmas decorations wouldn't see the sparkle of the Christmas lights again this year. My grandpa decided that he would have me, my mom and my aunt go through and divide among ourselves the Christmas decorations.

I told my mom and my aunt that all I wanted were the carolers.

Now the carolers are residing on my fireplace mantle. I was also allowed to take home some very vintage angels that are probably from the late 1950s or early 1960s. They are also on my mantle. I love seeing these decorations in my home; it's so much better than having them packed up in boxes for another year.

My grandma marked all of her figurines with the year and her name (it's usually carved in the bottom because she would pour the mold, then put her name on the bottom, I guess). The carolers were made in 1971--the year I was born and the year of my first Christmas.

The angels.

The carolers.

ich habe keine idee

2011-12-08T00:03:00.000-08:00

But I have many, many wonderful and witty ideas all day long.
Then I open my blogger dashboard and ....whoosh.... all my wonderful wit dissolves into dur, dur, dur.

Today we got our ginormous tree, which would not fit where I wanted to put it. I have to say, our tree looks really freaking awesome with our new floors and our painted walls.

It was bizarro to pick a tree with only one of our kids instead of two (like every year from 1996-1999 and last year) or three (like every year from 2000-2009). Maya missed her sisters and once again I was sad that we didn't have just one more kid for Maya to chum around with.

Speaking of bizarro, my oldest daughter moved into her 2nd apartment. Townhome, really. She's all mature and responsible; I'm glad I didn't strangle her during her teen years, as I almost did time and time again, because she has turned into a well-adjusted adult. Those teen years were hell, though. No joke.

I skipped both of my boot camp classes this week because I was so tired all week long. It sucked. Also, as of today it has been 84 days since my last menstrual period. No, I am not pregnant. I just had a pap a week or two after that period, and the pap came back normal, so I also do not have cancer. Therefore, I must be menopausal even though my dumbass condescending doctor claims that I am too young to be menopausal.

What does she know.

Tomorrow I visit Brazil for the third time.
Pray for me.

My "I" post

2011-12-01T15:32:00.000-08:00

Mexico was awesome.

I met my goal (125) by the time we left for our trip.

I gained 5lbs while on our all-inclusive (food and drinks--alcoholic and non-alcoholic) trip, but I am already down 2lbs (we've been home for 3 weeks).

I signed up for boot camp *again*, and I was dry-heaving a few times during the 90-minute class this past Monday. Wednesday was better. I do not recommend 3 weeks without exercise.

I really want to try CrossFit, but Wayne is not digging that idea.

Also, I've decided that I totally would be down with lipo and tummy tuck. Please, Santa?

Still going...

2011-10-16T21:50:00.000-07:00

I am still adhering to my diet, and I am just not seeing much change. I nearly had a mental breakdown a few weeks ago. I was crying, anxious, bitchy as hell... the pressure of needing (wanting?) to lose a certain amount of weight by a deadline is a lot of pressure. Plus, I am busting my ass at the gym every week: Mon/Wed Boot Camp for 90 minutes, Tues/Thurs Zumba for an hour + strength training. Boot Camp was kicking my ass; by the third week in, I began to accept Boot Camp and not feel a knot in my stomach on Mondays and Wednesdays.

It's so depressing to be working out a lot and following such a stringent diet while not really losing weight. I am losing inches and gaining muscle, though. I can see it in my arms and my butt in particular. I'm on this damn Belly Fat Cure diet, and my Belly Fat ain't been Cured, I can tell ya that. I am resigned to the fact that I will always have belly fat. Always have; always will. The only Belly Fat Cure I think will work for me is liposuction and a tummy tuck, which isn't an option. I simply cannot justify such a major surgery for the sake of vanity.

I weigh-in again tomorrow, and I am hoping that I am within sight of my goal (125).

I did finally cancel my Weight Watchers membership, and it felt so liberating! I thought it would make me feel panicked, but instead I felt a huge sense of relief. Yea!

Just over 2 weeks until we leave for Mexico!!! We plan to start packing this week...

unsweetened

2011-09-17T17:12:00.000-07:00

I was thinking back the other day to 2004. 2004 was the year I started my very first diet; I was weeks away from turning 33, and I had never felt a need to diet before, though I am sure that sometime around 2000/2001, I probably needed to diet. Post-baby weight is harder to shed at age 29 than it is at age 19 (fyi). Anyway, I was turning 33, and I was months (9, to be exact) away from getting married and going on a cruise through the Mexican riviera.

That was February 2004. I followed the South Beach Diet and did The Firm and Denise Austin workouts in my living room. In November 2004 (at the moment I boarded the plane to New Orleans for my wedding and honeymoon), I stopped dieting and exercising and proceeded to gain back every pound I lost in 2004 (and then some).

Fast forward to May 2009. I had reason to go to the doctor, which I never do (in sickness or in health), and those bastards made me step on the scale. I'd been to the doctor a year or so prior and refused to be weighed, but I was curious this time. I think maybe we didn't have a working scale at our house. I weighed 162, I believe. One-hundred-sixty-two. I am 5'2" (rounding up). That was more than I weighed when I was full-term with my youngest daughter. I was floored.

I went home from that appointment and joined Weight Watchers. I thought, screw how expensive I think it is. I need to do this.

Soon thereafter, my family joined the YMCA. Again, we had always thought the Y was too expensive, but I had a goal in mind, and I needed to exercise and diet to reach that goal.

The goal, at that time, was my 20th high school reunion (August 2009).

By July 2010 I made my goal weight (I think I was 120 then), and I was really pleased with my progress. I was at a lower weight than I was the last time I dieted.

In September 2010 my grandma died, and I used my "I'm a stress eater" rationale to excuse my going off-plan. I haven't really been able to get myself back on the WW track. I tried to follow the new plan (Points+) diligently but I still wasn't seeing much change in the scale. It was frustrating.

I've been paying $39.95 a month to WW since May 2009, and I just haven't been seeing much change this time around with Points+. I don't know if that's a result of the new plan or something I'm doing (or not doing).

We have another trip to Mexico coming up, and I realized several weeks ago that I had 10-15 pounds I'd like to lose before our trip. I began an online weight-loss challenge with the idea that I had about 14 weeks to lose 15 pounds (that would put me at 120). Before I began the challenge, I decided to do a weight-gain to make my loss more significant. Don't ever do that. Gaining 5 pounds is easy, but losing that same 5 pounds can take weeks. By the time I began the challenge, I had increased my weight from 135 to 139.

Weight Watchers wasn't causing me to see the decent losses I'd seen on the previous plan (Points), which was 1-2 pounds per week.

A few weeks ago, I remembered summer 2010, when I was at a spray park with some friends; they had a book called The Belly Fat Cure that they were all flipping through. It looked interesting, but this was about the time I met goal on WW, and I wasn't about to mess with my success. This year, though, I thought maybe I need a change in diets.

Three weeks ago, I checked out Jorge Cruise's book, The Belly Fat Cure through my library (on my Nook Color!). I really didn't like what he suggests one does to lose weight (and belly fat); it's just not fun: low sugar (no more than 15g per day!), no artificial sweeteners (gasp!), and low-carb (120g per day). I have to admit, I love the initial challenge of a diet, so initially I thought, can I really omit artificial sweeteners, my dear Splenda and saccharin? Can I stop eating fruit, which I had been gorging on while following the WW Points+ plan? I'm down to try testing myself.

Well, I'm concluding my second week on the plan (diet), and it's still not fun. I do feel better. My weight loss is still not as rapid as I would like (I was 132 today), but I am on track for my goal of 125 by the time of my trip. No sweetener took some getting used to. I tried Stevia in several forms (that is an allowable sweetener), but I don't like the taste of it. I would rather have no sweetener than use Stevia.

My single complaint about the BFC is that there is no easy way to track my sugar, carb and fiber consumption during the day. Can I get an app, please? None available. So I use post it pads that I write my intake on every day, then I stick the post-its on the pantry door.

At age 33, I was so proud to say that it had taken so long for me to go on a diet, and now I feel like I live my life on a diet. I probably spent over $1,000 on Weight Watchers (even when I wasn't sticking to the plan, I continued to pay $39.95 per month from May 2009-September 2011), and even now, I only decreased my membership instead of cancelling. After reading the BFC book, I have to wonder if all the fruit I was eating on WW Points+ (fruit is 0 pts) was keeping me from losing weight. My sugar intake had to be through the roof.

At age 40, I wonder if I will ever be able to live life not on a diet and maintain a healthy weight (135 is considered overweight for my height). Ugh. In my next life, please let me be tall and have a fast metabolism. Amen.

summer 11

2011-08-08T10:41:00.000-07:00

Summer has been a combination of a whirlwind of activity with a few days of laziness (love those days!).

The weather has been less than summery, but we get an 80* day here every once in awhile. Currently, I am freezing my ass off and delaying a walk outside under the thick gray clouds. I'd much rather it be sunny and slightly warm. That would be far more motivating.

Maya is on her third week in a row of camp: she had Girl Scout resident camp followed by Girl Scout day camp last week and now this week is volleyball day camp. For the next two and a half weeks, we got nothin' going on, though. School shopping, I guess. Maybe a trip to Spokane to see some old friends. I feel like I have to fit in a hike or two. If I don't plan in advance, though, and sucker someone else to go with me, I'll just putter around the house washing laundry, cleaning floors and avoiding the bigger, more overwhelming jobs that need to be done around here: the office, my bedroom closet, always the garage, and the desktop computer set-up upstairs, which will require a go-through of my hope chest, which is filled with my kids' memorabilia.

The stress level among me and Wayne is about an 8/10. This weekend was great because we got to hang with our friends and forget that Monday through Friday cloud that decided to hang over our heads last week. The weekend was great until we got home last night an realized that the next morning brought upon us yet another Monday. Is it Friday yet? If it could just get here, like, in the blink of an eye, I think we would both be very happy people. Walking around all day every day with a knot in one's stomach is never a good feeling.

We have a night out planned this upcoming weekend. The boys are doing security at an event in Silverdale, and it's so dorky because I always make fun of security at events, but I think it's kinda hot. The weekend should be fun, I hope. Everybody's working for the weekend, they say... ("they" would be Loverboy).

9 hours

2011-06-27T10:20:00.000-07:00

I have nine hours without Maya today.
Never do I have that much time, uninterrupted, without my kid or my husband home.What will I do with my free time?

Clean, I am sure. Or finish weeding the backyard.

We are having new floors installed in two weeks (omg!) throughout our downstairs, and getting everything off the floor and away is going to take some effort. We are doing all the demo of the old floor ourselves, so as soon as my current class series ends next Tuesday (!!), we are going to start ripping up carpet, padding, vinyl and underlayment.

In other words, Wayne and I are going to be bitchier than usual at each other until about July 13th.

Last night we had a True Blood Season 4 Premiere Party at our house; we had our near and dears over, and it was a lot of fun. Also this past weekend was a good friend's 2nd Annual Martini Party. True to stereotype--yes, the one I tried to prevent myself from becoming (funny how that works)--I am currently in a tiff with another woman (or women) with whom I used to play Bunco. We were all at the same martini party, but at some point they left early. The mature strategy of one of the women is to completely pretend I am not where she may be or with whomever she's speaking. It annoys and amuses me at the same time. I feel like I am in 7th grade. Sigh. Well, she's a giant bitch anyway, and she is one of those people that everyone tolerates (why, exactly?) rather than enjoys being around (except that she is very amusing when she's drunk and has a propensity for flashing her newly purchased breasts). It makes me so sad that that I have seriously become that suburban mom stereotype that I tried to resist (futilely, I guess).

Is this tiff (which I really think is serious enough to decide that I really don't want associate with the core group of women in that Bunco group) a sign that I need to get a fucking life? I think so.

8 hours left; I better stop this rambliness and do something.

Bah

2011-06-23T23:18:00.000-07:00

It is the first week of summer and the first week of summer break, and we aren't bored yet; however, we aren't very motivated either. My to-do list is lengthy, and I feel like I spin in circles looking at it all and not accomplishing anything. I did wash the sheets on two or our four beds, though, and I am embarrassed to admit how long it has been since our sheets were washed. I hate washing sheets because that means I have to make my bed. It's been awhile, and that's all I will say about that.

Well, I guess I have to go make the damn bed now. I really wish I had a housekeeper to change my sheets and clean my bathrooms. That's all I would have her (or him) do. Instead, I will make my own bed, pee in my clean toilet (that I scrubbed myself today) and climb into the bed with the nice clean sheets (always feels so good) and read The Help. It's good so far. I have it on loan electronically from the library, and I forgot about it until today. I have to read it before it is deleted off my Nook! I love the voice the author uses; her first character (I'm only on chapter 1) feels so warm and southern. I've heard mixed reviews from friends who have read The Help, but I'm already engrossed. I'm juggling 3 books right now: The Help; Jacob Have I Loved; Game of Thrones. All three are great books so far, but I have to prioritize based on due dates!

Speaking of due dates, I may be doula-ing in August and September!

End of Days

2011-06-20T20:50:00.000-07:00

Today was the last day of school for our only child who remains in the public school system. It was a freaking roller coaster ride of a year, and I am glad it's over (though it is bittersweet).

If anyone ever believes that education is the one area safe from politicking, they are sadly mistaken. This school year has taught me that the public education system is a mess beyond belief. It's limping along well enough that, unless people look at it closely, it is not noticed what a wreck of a situation it has become. I ended this year disgusted. I'm disappointed that we can't afford to send Maya to private school.

So now summer has begun, and we will be busy. Camps, projects, concerts, math club...plus I'd like to incorporate weekly or biweekly hikes with Maya and some friends. We'll see if I actually move forward with that plan.

Let's bring on the warm weather, shorts and tank tops.
Summer starts tomorrow!

2011

2011-01-01T19:35:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!

2011 has come upon us quicker than one can imagine, as far as I'm concerned.

Funny enough, even though we are in a new calendar year, our family pretty much goes by the school calendar rather than the Gregorian calendar. This "new year" in January thing feels less like a new year than the "new year" that begins in September.

We rang in 2011 (our 15th NYE as a couple--not every year spent together, however) with friends new and old. Too much to drink for some of us (not me this time), lots of really great karaoke singing and some decent food.

It's the first of the month, and that means: I entertain the idea of another NaBloPoMo month! Yeah.
January 2011 Blogroll
The theme for January is FRIENDS.

January 1, 2011

36 in a 25

2010-12-28T22:39:00.000-08:00

Last week I got my first pullover and subsequent ticket in, oh, 14 years. Ugh. I was so annoyed with myself!

It was in an area where I never speed (can't say that anymore), and I was cited for 11 over the speed limit (36 in a 25), which I guess means it will effect my insurance.

I was driving from a friend's house, was in a good mood, had my Christmas music blaring (it was 4 days before Christmas) while I sang along loudly; I wasn't paying any attention to my speed, but I quickly realized I was going too fast (it looked like 40mph on my speedometer). I immediately slowed down, and that was when I saw the police car. Too late. I had literally gone 2 blocks.

He pulled out into the road, flipped on his lights, so I pulled over and hoped he was getting the guy behind me instead. If only I were so fortunate. Instead, he stopped behind me, and I reached down for my purse. It wasn't on my floorboard where I usually keep it. I looked in the back. Nope.

Ugh. It was at my friend's house.

I figured that I was going to really get a huge ticket for not having a license on me. Luckily I had just put our new insurance card in my car (our policy renews the beginning of every December and June). He gave me a pass on the no license thing, but I did get a $154 ticket. Did I mention that was 4 days before Christmas? Who sets up a speedtrap 4 days before Christmas in a tough economy? No mercy, I tell ya. Well, I guess there was a little mercy.

I vacillated between laughing and nearly crying over the whole thing.

I plan to ask for a deferment, and I hope the judge will agree to that.

whoosh

2010-12-27T13:35:00.000-08:00

...and it's gone!
December is nearly done, and 2010 is pretty much behind us.

My goal of daily blogging fell flat before I even began, but that's okay. It was a whirlwind month of stress, anxiety and sadness that culminated with great release and relief at about 5:30am Christmas morning. I cannot express clearly my stress leading up to the Christmas and how relieved I was on Christmas morning when everything fell into place as I hoped. The children were happy wi ththeir gifts; I was thrilled with mine. Wayne accepted his gift from me with a polite smile (it was a heart rate monitor and iPod armband for working out and the new Deadmau5 CD). He out-gifted me, as usual: a NookColor. I love it! I haven't been the voracious reader that I have been in the past, but I hope the NookColor will remedy that. I am reading a couple books now on the Nook:

Everything I Needed to Know About Being A Girl I Learned from Judy Blume, which isn't as good as I hoped it would be. It's a collection of short autobiographical stories from popular female authors, and some of them read like English 101 essays. Some are really good, but some are just meh. I think the concept is fabulous because it's such an accurate thesis. I mean, didn't we, the women in my age group (40-ish), grow up learning all we needed to know from Judy Blume's characters? Don't we all consider her a Goddess of YA fiction authors? I know I do. But one of the authors (can't remember which one) made a good point about Judy's books: they aren't as relevant to YA girls today. I can't get Maya to Read Are You There, God? It's me, Margaret. She loved the Fudge books, but I read them to her a few years ago. She re-read them last summer, but she wasn't inspired to move on to any other Judy Blume books. It makes me sad. Kids today are too savvy--and possibly too cynical-- to enjoy Judy Blume books without rolling their eyes and thinking the content is dated. I can't speak about any of Judy Blume's other books, but the Fudge series has been updated to include cell phones and iPods in an effort toward relevance. I wonder if Margaret is still talking about using a belt with her sanitary napkins (who ever really called them that?! That was a dated reference even when I read the book). But the burgeoning sexuality of the characters in Judy Blume's books is what I really remember and think was so important back then. Breasts, periods, wet dreams, erections, masturbation, actual intercourse and blow-jobs...all that she put out there for us to learn about before actually experiencing any of it. It was some kind of awesome.

Okay. I have to go. Maya is itching to run to Target and GameStop: gift cards burning holes in her pockets!

The annual hunt

2010-12-08T22:47:00.000-08:00

Well, my December attempt at NaBloPoMo is already a total BUST, but I am okay with that. Who the hell tried to do daily blogging (while not getting paid) during the holidays? Crrrazzzy.

Today we got our Christmas tree. Every year (with a couple exceptions) we go to the same place: Cox Christmas Trees in Eatonville. We've been going there since, I swear, 1992. My parents moved to Eatonville in 1992, and I think that's the only place we've ever gone for a tree. The people who own it are so cool.

The weather held out for us today: it was warm (50*) and sunny, which never happens for us on a tree hunt day. We got it home, stood, lit and decorated in record time. By 6:15pm, we were sitting down to eat dinner, and the tree was all done.

This was the first year that Paige wasn't with us to get the tree and help decorate it. It was a little bit of a bummer, but it's okay. I'm prepared to only take Maya with us next year to get a tree.

Paige and Harrison have leased and apartment and will be moving in January; next Christmas Paige will be finding and decorating her own Christmas tree! I'm proud of my kid; she's taking good care of herself. I just wish she would get her ass back to school.

Wednesday is the day when I go visit my grandpa. It's our standing date, and he looks forward to it every week--as do I. The holidays are hard for anyone who has lost a loved one; today was three months since my grandma died. While people all around him are putting up their Christmas decor, my grandpa has chosen to not do any of that. No tree, no lights, nothing. I know my grandma would be very sad to know that he's checked out of Christmas this year, but I get it.

He's trying to figure out what to do for Christmas this year. My grandparents' usual Christmas eve was spent at their church's candlelight service, then they would go home and exchange gifts and then just chill out around the house until we all arrived Christmas day.

This Christmas looks to be a very lonely holiday for my grandpa.

My mom invited my grandpa over for Christmas eve dinner, which is always spectacular. He's of course welcome to come over as early as he'd like on Christmas day, too. I'm kicking around the idea of having my family attend the church service with him on Christmas eve, too.

My grandma dying has changed everything holiday in my family.

December One

2010-12-01T22:00:00.000-08:00

...and I am beat.
The Wednesday from hell has finally come to an end.
Car trouble, dentist, meeting, party, meeting.
Dinner at 9pm, and now I'm off to bed, so I can spin in the morning.

Reminder to self:
mean girls blog post must be written. Tomorrow?
Such Zeitgeist! I still haven't looked up that word. Oy.

this is the end...

2010-11-30T22:08:00.000-08:00

The blessed end of NaBloPoMo.
Dear God, what was I thinking?
My blogs sucked. I was busy and uninspired.
NaBloPoMo made blogging feel like work. Ugh.

That said, I'm feeling somewhat inspired to continue NaBloPoMo into December. The theme:
The theme for December is ZEITGEIST. You have 31 days to try to capture the mood of your culture and your life as they exist right now. Use every tool in your blog box: words, photos, music...?

Now, I don't really know what Zeitgeist is. I mean, it's a movie, right? In reading the description, my first thought wandered to the change in my life right now with regards to the childbirth culture I'm involved with. Big changes in that arena right now--as far as administration goes. Principle of philosophy remains the same. It might keep my fuels fired to spend the month writing and researching about normal birth. It might bore the hell out of anyone who stumbles across this sad sample of my musings, but I blog for purely selfish reasons anyway.

I feel like maybe a theme will be helpful as I at least attempt to post something of any depth.

Maybe I need to begin December trying to figure out what the heck "zeitgeist" means.
I really should get my ass back in school; my brain is atrophying.

Filler

2010-11-29T21:35:00.000-08:00

I'm just taking up blog space today to fill a void with crap because I simply don't have time to fill the void with words of substance.

The next few weeks look to be mildly chaotic, but that's about normal for the holiday season. I'm not so sure how festive my family feels this year since this will be the first Christmas without my grandma.

Tomorrow I plan to create an epic post for my NaBloPoMo finale!

laaazzzyyy

2010-11-28T17:15:00.000-08:00

Night 3 of Thanksgiving leftovers.

So awesome.

This morning Maya didn't even wake up until after 11:00am; I was awake earlier than that, but I laid in bed watching Hoarding: Buried Alive on TLC. I much prefer Hoarders on A&E. Hoarding feels more exploitative to me. Yeah, I know that sounds ridiculous.

Now that Thanksgiving is over, we're gearing up--like most everyone else--for the holiday frenzy. We have our tree-hunting date on the calendar (12/8), and we still have to get started on Christmas shopping. But really what I have on my mind most is our New Year's Eve party. Decor, food, beverage, attire... I really want to have a great party this year! Wayne already has the music picked out, which we were listening to today. Awesome.

Wayne and I think we're going to join the boot camp class at the Y that begins this week. 2x per week for 1 1/2 hours per night. There's only space for one more person in the class time we want, so I have to call the Y tomorrow to see if we can both get in. It's an abbreviated boot camp: only 4 weeks. That shouldn't be so bad, right? Ugh.

perfecto

2010-11-27T23:23:00.000-08:00

Today has been the perfect day. I didn't even get out of my jammies!

I watched numerous episodes of Deadliest Catch Season 6 right up until Captain Phil Harris has his stroke, and then Wayne had to watch the USC Gamecocks football game.

Seeing this as an opportunity, I took a three hour nap.
Last night we were at our friends' house, and I had a bit too much to drink. The effect is typically that I sleep hard for awhile and then wake up burning hot and unable to sleep anymore, so I was awake at about 6am--burning hot with a mouth so dry it was painful.

Hot, huh?

To finish off our perfect holiday weekend (extended weekend due to the snow earlier this week), tomorrow we will bring down the Christmas decorations.

Oh, how I love the rare unscheduled weekend!

Arctic Blast 2010

2010-11-26T00:01:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving 2010

2010-11-25T23:49:00.000-08:00

Turkey day prep

2010-11-24T09:33:00.000-08:00

It's the night before Thanksgiving; there is snow on the ground, and the temperature isn't expected to get above freezing until tomorrow. I'm sitting here watching a Christmas movie on the Hallmark channel (Our First Christmas) cozy in bed while Wayne snores away (literally snoring: we both have sinus stuff going on, so we're very stuffy).

Brittani came home last night; Paige and Harrison are expected to arrive tonight. Wayne and I finished shopping yesterday, so we have everything we need to prepare Thanksgiving dinner, which will be at our house again this year. We've got the tables set up, tablecloths laid, furniture rearranged, dishes prepared to be washed. Today we'll make sweet potato soup, macaroni and cheese, pecan pie and brownies, which are for my sister's birthday tomorrow. Oh. I did forget something: her birthday gift.

This holiday will be a little weird for me. First of all, my oldest two kids don't live with us anymore, so there's a new dynamic there: the "visiting for the holiday" dynamic instead of being there throughout the holiday season. More obviously, the absence of my grandma this year. She won't be bringing her pies, her sweet potatoes and her scalloped corn. My aunt will be preparing those dishes this year.

I know tomorrow is going to be a great Thanksgiving--assuming everyone can get here in the snow and ice!

NaBloPoMo 2010 fail

2010-11-23T12:53:00.000-08:00

So, I sucked at NaBloPoMo this year, but I did post more this month than I have in ages; I shall consider it a success overall.

Maya had a snow day today because of ARCTIC BLAST 2010! According to the news (KOMO, I believe) this was the first time since 1985 that we've had snow in this region before Thanksgiving. It literally brought everyone and everything to a complete halt last night.

We're heading out in a minute to get coffee (a quick walk up the hill), and I hope to take photos. I'll update this post with photos--if Wayne can ever find his gloves, so we can head out. His gloves are the size of a 3 month old baby, so I don't know why we're having such a hard time finding them!

first snow!

2010-11-21T15:25:00.000-08:00

We got our first snow of the season today.

I woke up this morning and laid in bed watching Hoarders; Maya went downstairs to play on the computer; Wayne was still sleeping. About 45 minutes into my show, I decided to check Facebook, which was filled with snow status updates. What? I was shocked.

I ran over to the bedroom window, and sure enough: snow everywheres! Maya totally didn't notice it through the windows when she came downstairs (beeline to the computer). We were so excited! Snow is one of those things, though, that we love for a little while and then we're over it. Today is perfect because it's not a heavy accumulation, but it's enough to look pretty.

Last year we didn't really get any snow. We had zero snow days to make up at the end of the year, which was lovely. I've heard that the PacNW will have a brutal winter this year thanks to El Nino, so I guess we better update our winter gear. I can't wait for Maya to stop growing, so we don't have to buy new seasonal gear every year.

saturdays

2010-11-20T19:16:00.000-08:00

I love Saturdays.

Wednesdays are my favorite, but Saturdays are a very close second. When it's rainy and gray, I sit in my jammies, turn on the fireplace, put n a movie and just chill out.

When it's nice, maybe we'll go for a hike or a bike ride or just do some yard work. Saturdays are best when left unstructured with no expectation for how the day should roll out.

The sad fact is that Saturdays are rarely unstructured, which is why I cherish the rare chill day.

Today, btw, we borrowed from our savings to buy our Sasquatch tickets. Oh, happy day!

rock on

2010-11-18T23:25:00.000-08:00

Wayne has a countdown running.
We are both very amped for the event he is calling ...

FooSquatch.

We love Foo.

We love Sasquatch!

Tickets go on sale Saturday morning at 10am, and we're pulling money out of savings to get them. Priorities!

Being cool is so damn expensive.

holidays

2010-11-17T21:04:00.000-08:00

All the kids were home for dinner tonight, just by chance.
It was nice.

I feel serious empty nester syndrome lately, which is weird because I still have a kid living at home, but we're used to lots of kids at our house.

This year people seem ready to jump into Christmas. Last year was so blech, so I'm happy that so many more people seem festive this year.

Paige asked me tonight how we were going to do Christmas this year. Same as ever, I replied. She says, "Oh, so we're staying the night with grandma and grandpa and heading to great-grandma and great-grandpa's on Christmas day?" Hm. I hadn't thought of that.

I visited my grandpa today; I try to visit him every Wednesday, but I didn't see him at all last week. he was happy to see me. He says Wayne and I are the only people who stop by to visit him. He seemed especially melancholy today. We had a bad windstorm Monday night; he lost power around 9pm and didn't get it back until 2:30pm on Tuesday. I should have called and checked in on him, but I didn't think about it. Sometimes when the wind blows, it can sound like a person moaning. That can be disconcerting for one who has recently lost a spouse.

So I'm not quite sure how we're doing Christmas this year.
But I do know that my grandpa is supplying the wine for Thanksgiving. We'll tackle this first holiday before we start contemplating the logistics of Christmas, I guess.

Mmm

2010-11-15T17:21:00.000-08:00

Sometimes my man has a need for red meat.

Tonight is the night.

Red meat is so expensive and generally unhealthy, so we eat it maybe once a month. Seriously. We spent $30 for three steaks.

There was a Groupon yesterday for $50 worth of meat for $25, and I forgot to get it! I'm so mad. I could have ordered 12 5-oz bacon wrapped steaks for only $25. Sigh. You snooze, you lose.

Anyway, as an aside:
We are watching Glee right now; Kirk is gay and out, and he keeps getting harassed by the asshole jocks. He visits a school that has zero tolerance for harassment. Novel concept. Why do schools have zero tolerance on things like drugs (medication) and weapons (butter knives), but they seem to tolerate harassment just fine? As a teenager I was harassed, so I can relate to being physically harassed in front of educators who do nothing. The teachers are intimidated by these menaces to society, which is really unfortunate.

what to say?

2010-11-14T20:50:00.000-08:00

Teenagers are a pain in the butt.

When Brittani is here, the tensions run high. She rarely comes over, which hurts our feelings, which makes us pissy. It's almost easier when she doesn't come over because we don't have to pretend everything is peachy-keen while she's here and we're really seething.

I know that she's 18 and hasn't lived with her mom in 15 years, but she literally lives 1.5 miles away at her mom's house now; we never see her. If we don't call or text her, we don't hear from her.

I keep telling myself that this is normal--Paige did kind of the same thing, but she did it to her dad while she was a senior in high school.

Brittani stayed one night this weekend, and that was the first night she's stayed here since September.

It's just so frustrating.

On the flip side, Wayne and I had a fabulous weekend despite Brittani's weird visit.

This week we're taking Maya to this on Tuesday. Paige and Brittani living elsewhere puts a crimp into our weeknight (rare) date nights, but luckily Maya is now old enough to drag along. There will be swearing, but we're both okay exposing Maya to colorful language. It will be a late night for her, but that's okay, too. We're exposing her to culture!

Eaner Ekyrd

2010-11-13T23:13:00.000-08:00

We had friends over tonight for dinner. It was really nice.
They've been our friends for a long time, and it's always good to get together with them.

Plus, their kids crack us up.

We're prepping for Thanksgiving, so we did a trial run of a new recipe that we plan to make for the big day; it was excellent! A little labor intensive, but I think we can manage with some planning.

It hurts

2010-11-12T23:13:00.000-08:00

I've been a nail-biter since I can remember.

People have tried to get me to stop time and again. Nails are dirty. I'll get sick. I'll get appendicitis. Chewed nails are ugly.
My parents even painted my nails with the icky stiff to make it taste gross when I chewed them.
I'm nearly 40 now, and I have yet to go long-term without chewing my nails.

Nights like tonight are hell for a nail-biter. I can't stop biting them, but they hurt so much! I chew through the pain, and then I'm left with red, swollen throbbing fingertips.

What benefit do I get from chewing my nails? I have no clue.
Typing hurts, too.

yawn

2010-11-11T21:06:00.000-08:00

I really am uninspired.

get your drink on!

2010-11-10T20:15:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow I will have about 8 Bradley teachers at my home and about 14 kids.

Oy.

Things are crazy-chaotic in the Bradley Birthing World, and we teachers are going to gather, discuss and probably not going to come to any conclusion. We also plan to figure out how to start some effective marketing in our area. Not my strongest skill, this marketing thing.

My house is in disarray, but instead of cleaning it, I am going to meet a girlfriend (or two) for drinks at the local cantina. There's always time for cleaning some other day; margaritas must be consumed whenever the opportunity arises!

bringin' sexy back

2010-11-09T21:05:00.000-08:00

Oh, how poorly I am doing at this NaBloPoMo thing.
I have a good excuse for tonight's lame blog post: I'm tired, but my husband is feeling amorous.
Sex or blog...what would you do?

great weekend

2010-11-08T11:22:00.000-08:00

This weekend was great.

However...

I am a spoiled brat who doesn't appreciate my very thoughtful husband.

Our tradition, ever since our first wedding anniversary, is to go to a secluded cabin that is private, gorgeous and just a great place. Close by, so it doesn't take hours and hours to get to, and we're just lazy all weekend long. It's great.

This year we were too broke for that cabin, and I was cool with that. I knew Wayne was planning something, and he is a stellar planner. I had no fear that this would be a great weekend.

When he pulled off the freeway into Seattle, I became a little concerned. I am not a hang-out-in-the-city kind of person; my initial thought was, maybe we're taking a ferry somewhere?
He parks us in a garage and tells me to grab my backpack because we walk from there. Huh?

Have you ever had that moment where you just get instantly bitchy? It happened to me right about then in the garage.

We walked to a building on 1st Ave, where Wayne punched in a code to enter the building.
We entered, and it was a lovely old place. We walked up a couple flights of stairs, checked in and we were shown to our room.

This is when things (I) got really ugly. At the time, I thought he deserved my, um, honesty because he fucked up. He didn't choose the weekend that I would have liked for him to choose. I did not hold back. It was pretty bad.

We went on to have an anniversary weekend unlike any we've ever had before, but it was a great weekend.

I don't know why I was so damn mad about his plans for our weekend. The place we stayed was nice, and we had fun in Seattle.

The best conclusion I can come to is that I am a brat. I feel like shit for how I behaved; if he had reacted the way I reacted, if this was a weekend I had planned for us, I would have been hurt, livid and probably pretty devastated.

I finally got over my pissiness around lunchtime Saturday, and I think we were finally able to begin to enjoy our time together then. We saw the Picasso exhibit at SAM, had lunch there as well, chocolates at Frans, walked around the Market, ate at some great restaurants, enjoyed the sunshine, walked around the city... we did enough walking that my calf muscles are sore today!

I wish I could go back to Friday night and just embrace that the weekend wasn't going to be what I envisioned, but that I would accept it and just have fun.

6 days in...

2010-11-08T07:14:00.000-08:00

before I blew the daily blog thing.
Yeah, I suck.
That will be my one blip, I hope.
Hey, Maybe I can back date?
Jeez. Seriously? I could have *scheduled* a blog post? Ugh. That would have been convenient.

Turistas

2010-11-06T10:57:00.000-07:00

We are in Seattle for our anniversary weekend. We had a great dinner last night at 94 Stewart.
Today we'll probably check out the Picasso exhibit at The Seattle Art Museum, go around The Market and do the Seattle thing.
The weather seems to be holding, so far, and as long as the rain is at bay, I'll be happy :-)

weekend

2010-11-05T09:42:00.000-07:00

NaBloPoMo is very inconvenient for me, as this is the month of my anniversary, and we usually try to go away for the weekend. Our favorite place to go is a cabin outside the entrance to Mount Rainier, which has no cell service or internet. It's location makes for a great weekend of bonding, but it don't do crap for posting in a month-long daily blogging project.

Check out my past posts here and here.

Away we go, again, but I have no idea where we're off to this time.

Crossing my fingers that I will be able to post tomorrow...

14/6

2010-11-04T21:49:00.000-07:00

We do our nightly routine:
Cozy in our comfy bed, turn on the tv (Oprah would be so disappointed), snuggle up and catch-up on Survivor, or The Amazing Race...maybe some Good Guys or How I Met Your Mother. The dvr is always full of shows we don't have time to watch.

He rubs my leg, or maybe my back. I lay my head on his bare chest, which is his cue to start playing with my hair.

Soon I drift off to sleep, and he finishes the show we started to watch together; he can't delete it off the dvr, though, since I didn't finish the episode.

Lights out; tv off.

See you in the morning.

Same routine for over 14 years.
Happy Anniversary.

Curses!

2010-11-03T15:12:00.000-07:00

When a new neighbor moves in across the street from you, how would you greet them? How would you welcome them to the neighborhood--the place where you have lived for 7+ years and have no intention of leaving for another 8 years?

Bake cookies and bring them over, still warm from the oven?

Create a "Welcome Wagon" basket with goodies and resources for the area?

Catch them up on all the great neighborhood gossip (while putting nothing but a positive spin on yourself and your family, of course)?

How about this idea:
While the new neighbors are trying to move furniture into their new home, have your daughter's boyfriend back daughter's Jeep into the new neighbor's Honda Civic parked on the street?

Swell.

Welcome to Hillsboro!

Well, when this happened to us (Paige) last night, the neighbor lady apparently started yelling, "Call the fucking police!!!" to her husband (?) and mom/mil (?). Oh great.
We're so not getting a Christmas card from our new neighbors this year.
Sigh.
Well, they did move into the cursed house in the 'hood.

EEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

2010-11-02T20:36:00.000-07:00

Look at this:
American Academy of Husband-Coached Childbirth

And then look at this:
Potential New Certifying Body

I am about to take a huge plunge into the unknown, and it makes me nervous, excited and hopeful.

Since my grandma died, school started, the older girls are both gone, and Maya is so much more independent, I have been kicking around the idea of changing my teaching affiliation, and now this new group has come along. I am impressed by them at every turn. I'd like to amp up my birthwork business: teaching more classes, more students and doing more doula work (birth and postpartum). I have the time and the energy, and my family doesn't need me home as much.

I've secured a domain name. but I need to think of a business name. Ideas (from any of my millions of readers...hahaha)?

NaBloPoMo 2010...

2010-11-01T12:44:00.000-07:00

...And so I sit on this cold, windy, gray, wet day to begin a month of documenting my life, my thoughts and ...
well, who knows.

I'm feeling revitalized in many way in my life, and maybe this blog, too, will see a renewal in spirit. Or maybe I'm just overly optimistic. I guess that only time will tell.

One day down and only 29 days left to go.

Let's hope they aren't all as cold, windy, gray and wet as today.

crazy town

2010-10-12T09:44:00.000-07:00

In a few days, I will be hosting Maya's 10th birthday party at our house.
A sleepover.
With about 18 girls ages 8-11.
The night before a volleyball game and team photos.

I think I might be crazy.

We'll have them make their own pizzas, play a few Minute to Win It games, cake, ice cream, presents...at which time some kids will leave...and then?? Movies and hopefully sleep--for all of us.
Ha!

the end

2010-09-08T19:18:00.000-07:00

Beginning last Wednesday, my grandma has been in bed. She began her time in bed in a sleepy state with fairly regular moments of lucidity.

Friday her bath aid, Pat, came in and made all kinds of unnecessary (in my expert opinion) decisions: grandma would use Depends. Grandma would use a hospital bed. Grandma would die by the end of the weekend.

I'd like to state that the bath aid was wrong at every turn.

The weekend was long and quiet; when hospice isn't visiting and church friends aren't visiting, the days are very long. My grandpa and me (and/or my mom) sitting in a quiet house. No radio. No TV. Minimal or idle conversation.

I stayed the night on Friday and Monday nights; we weren't needing to medicate my grandma (liquid morphine) because she really didn't show any signs of pain.

Monday night things changed for me. My grandma really seemed to be in pain when I turned her (every 1.5hrs). We turn her frequently because she wasn't able to move herself around as easily, and we wanted to prevent bedsores. Waking every 1.5 hours was hard, and I realized that turning her so often seemed to cause her pain. I suggested to my grandpa that we medicate her 10 minutes prior to turning, and we only turn her every two hours.

Hospice was back from holiday (Labor Day) on Tuesday, so grandma was visited by Elinda, our savior hospice nurse, Nancy, the substitute bath aide, and Peg, the LMP. Grandma was doted on all day; it was so good for her.

I received a phone call from my grandpa this morning (about 7:40am) asking me to come to his house (about 5 mins away) to help him. I arrived at his house around 8:00am and began to help him care for my grandma. Her breathing was strained, in the gasping way that accompanies the end of life. I moved her a little, heard a gurgle and didn't quite know what to do. I lifted her torso into a 45* angle, and then... a rattle from her chest followed by stillness. My grandpa was a few feet away from me on her opposite side.

I can say with authority that it isn't always easy to determine if one has departed this realm.

Around 8:00am PDT on September 8, 2010, my grandma, 78 years of age, took her last breath in my arms.

My mom, my aunt and I bathed her, lotioned and perfumed her, dressed her and prepared her for her final journey out of her house never to be seen by us again. I stood at the window by her front door as she was driven away from the house, the way she always did when I drove away. I wanted to wave good-bye to her like she always did to me, but I couldn't quite raise my hand.

shhhh...

2010-09-04T00:02:00.000-07:00

I'm in bed, and my grandma is next to me.
Her breathing is slow and steady, and she is on her third day of sleepfulness. She hasn't been out of bed except to use the bathroom.
Her moments of clarity are fewer and farther apart, but when she is clear, she reaches out, gives a hug, touches my face...

She is so thin right now; she wasn't big to begin with, but every time I go into her room and touch her, she seems to have lost even more weight, mass and inches.

We expect her to pass sometime this weekend. We're doing everything we can to assure she is comfortable and maintains dignity. My grandpa has been the best caretaker he can be, and he has had to make some tough decisions. I told him that right now, for me and Wayne, this point that they are at seems so far away for us, but I'm sure to him it all came upon them too quickly. I keep telling Wayne different things I want if I die in the manner my grandma is dying: candles, music, family together, food cooking, massage, holding, touching, talking...I want to have vitality surround me as I pass, so I know I leave a legacy that will continue.

less than one week

2010-08-26T15:19:00.000-07:00

One week from right this moment, I'll be getting in my car and heading over to get Maya after her first day of school.

Yes, we are less than one week away from school beginning.

Normally I'm not too excited about school starting, but this year, I need school to start; this summer has sucked. Actually, I guess that's unfair. We tried to have a Summer of Spontaneity, and I think we mostly succeeded. Our goal was to be able to say, "hey let's leave town" at the last minute and to be able to do it. In that regard, our summer was a success. We camped more than we have since Maya was born (2000). We went to Walla Walla--just me and Wayne--and we had a great weekend. Our last trip was to Bend,OR, which wasn't the best trip, but it was still fun.

This stuff with my grandma has been rough, and it has sort of overshadowed the good parts of summer, so I find myself looking at photos from our summer to remind myself that there were plenty of good times. Wallowing is easy to do, but I will resist.

I stayed the night at my grandparents' house last night; my mom and I take turns sleeping over there. We stay with my grandma while my grandpa sleeps in the guestroom; this allows him--the 24/7 caregiver-- a bit of respite from his duties, so he can sleep and be a better caregiver during the day. In addition, I'm there almost every day to help my grandma get ready for the day and to be with her, so my grandpa can leave the house to run errands.

My grandma's condition has worsened, as expected, but she still has her sense of humor and interacts with us. She hasn't been receiving regular tube-feedings anymore, and she can't really drink fluids anymore, either. She can't write. She can't talk. She is mostly unable to communicate with us--she won't (or can't) even respond "yes" or "no" with nods of her head. Her entire right side, which is her dominant side, appears to have effects from a stroke (or several small strokes). She can still bear weight on her left side, but transferring her is more difficult with the limpness of her right side.

Last night was a sleepless night; my grandpa doesn't like to medicate my grandma, so the Haldol that the nurse suggested she take at night to ease anxiety, he tries to skip when he can. He didn't give Haldol to my grandma on Tuesday night, and he didn't give it (he calls it Halo because it's generic name is Haloperidol) last night either. She spent the whole night wiggling around in bed and groaning throughout the night. She appeared anxious, for sure, or maybe it was discomfort. It's difficult to know. He told me this morning that he "probably should have given her the Halo."

His fear is chemical dependency, which I totally get with the f'ed up family we have, but at the same time, she's on hospice, which means she at the end of her life. My poor grandpa is so conflicted. To give her tube feedings or not? To medicate her or not? What medications to continue and which to discontinue?

I wonder if she knows she's dying because no one speaks of what's happening to her in front of her. A week ago, my mom and my grandpa went to finalize the details at the cemetery and the crematorium. He told my grandma that he had to go to the credit union, which she didn't believe. She was so pissed at him! He never told her where he really was, so when he got home, she was so mad that he was gone since she was sure he wasn't at the credit union. I think it would have been easier and better to be honest, but what do I know.

I'm exhausted, sad, unenthusiastic about the things I need to do (co-op, childbirth classes, cleaning, thinking, doing...). So, that is why I am happy school is starting. I know Maya will be engaged in activity for 6 1/2 hours a day, so I can help my grandparents and not have to worry about Maya being on the computer/playing video games/watching TV for 10 hours a day while I am at my grandparents' house (or just sitting at home like a blob).

Here's my grandparents on 8.18.10 using a communication board I made for my grandma. She used it for a few hours before she grew tired of it and put it aside for good.

tired

2010-08-17T13:18:00.000-07:00

We've gotten to the point with my grandma, I think, that she needs a lot more care and attention.

I stayed the night with my grandparents last night to give my grandpa a night of respite; he's been her 24-hr caregiver, and it's really affecting him. She requires more care now than before, and it is exhausting.

I slept with my grandma and got up with her during the night, which was often. We went to bed at 12:00am, and she was up at 1:30am, 3:00am, and 4:30am. She was finally up for the day at 7:00am. Each time she wanted to be out of bed, we were up for about half an hour. I am tired today. I totally get why my grandpa is just completely exhausted; this has been her schedule for weeks now, and sometimes it's a more erratic sleeping schedule than last night.

We're going to try an every third night sleepover schedule to continue to give my grandpa so time off of caregiving. My mom, my grandpa and I all will all alternate nights sleeping with grandma and getting up with her through the night.

She's declining steadily now, but she's not in any pain.

it's grand

2010-08-04T11:57:00.000-07:00

Two of our kids have now graduated, and one is for sure not living here at home anymore with the other likely to move in with her mom at the end of summer.

Would it be bad to say, "I can get used to this!"?

Sure, it's quiet, dull and lonely at times, but on the bright side, it's quiet, dull and lonely at times!

Paige and I get along a lot better when we don't live together; she's turned out to be a good kid. She'll be 20 in a little less than 2 weeks (!), and I think she'll be okay. She isn't lavished with things as much as some of her friends, so I think she'll either hate me for it later or thank me for it. I just wish she was more on top of getting her school stuff together. You know: financial aid, registration...

Brittani is 18. I don't think anything else needs to be said. Anyone who has ever lived with an 18 year-old understands what I'm talking about: 18 is hell. Hopefully by the time she's 20, things will smooth over.

I'm just going to enjoy these next few (too few) years before Maya hits that icky stage of 11 to 20 years of age. Peaks and valleys ahead, folks...

whiskey shots

2010-07-26T22:32:00.000-07:00

Today was a gorgeous day. It was solidly in the mid to high 80s, and I didn't really get out to enjoy it. Maya's at daycamp this week, which is the perfect opportunity to clean the house.

Except I didn't.

I was a neglectful granddaughter last week and did not see my grandparents as much as usual. I only saw them on Monday and on Saturday when my grandpa called me and told me that my grandma had to talk to me, which means I have to go there since her talking is writing on a pad of paper.

On my drive there--all of 5 minutes--I was wondering what she could possibly need to tell me. Of course, my mind goes straight to Days of Our Lives material. She has to tell me some deep, dark family secret before she forgets it forever. What could the secret be? I was kind of nervous.

When I arrive, she is greatly agitated, and it sounds like maybe she had hit my grandpa. She hadn't. She had thrown some stuff but not at him. Just throwing in frustration. It's something the women in my family do at times. She was frustrated that there isn't any more treatment for her cancer. She wrote in big, huge letters on her notebook paper: "HELP ME" and "CALL BRENDA" (my mom). Also, "YOU WON"T HELP ME" By help she means treatment, I guess. She also wrote, "Who said no more help" She's a fighter, that one. A forgetful fighter, so we have to have this discussion with her several times a week if not several times a day: there is no more treatment for your cancer.

After the dust settled, I went home to a crab feast since Wayne and my parents had gone earlier that day. I made plans to be at the grands again today.

Today was a good day. She was active, cheerful and animated. She dusted while I vacuumed all the carpeted areas in the house. One of the carpeted areas of her house is the dining room, in which a big china hutch sits. It's filled with tea pots and various glassware from her past. She has a glassware set from Ireland that her great-grandmother brought over, from what she told me today. See, this is the thing that sucks. She has told me this stuff over and over throughout the years. Was I listening? Nope. Now I'm worried that I won't get the correct info from her (she is easily confused about people and dates--there's a lot of them to keep straight). Pay attention to what the old folks say to you because someday, they may not be able to tell you. And it's lost. The whole damn story.

We're standing in front of the china hutch, and she's pointing out pieces, when she pulls out two shot glasses. I say, "oh, is it time to do some whiskey shots?" She laughs and calls for my grandpa to come in. One of the glasses has a crack, so I say, "looks like someone slammed this one down too hard on the bar." right when my grandpa comes in and says, "Coulda been Jesse James"

My grandma's grandpa Walters was sheriff in Kansas City, Missouri, and Jesse James came into the Green River bar (saloon?) there. Her grandpa kept the glasses Jesse James drank from, and now there they are sitting in my grandma's china hutch with all her delicate tea pots and crystalware. I was able to do a one-woman re-enactment of how I envisioned their meeting went, which amused my grandma.

Needless to say, we didn't drink any whiskey.

I tried to get a photo of the plastic grocery bags that my grandma has neatly folded, but she walked in on me. I didn't want her to see me taking a picture of the evidence of her OCD behavior. Who folds plastic grocery bags?

After all that, I never had time to get my own house clean. Oh well. There's always tomorrow...

She would be pissed...

2010-07-16T14:08:00.000-07:00

But I love these photos of my gma doing her thing:

Reading a letter from someone she can't remember (Karlene?).

Toes and slippers.
She always runs around the house in barefeet, and it makes me cold.

The whiteboard she uses (at times) to communicate. She'll also use tablets of paper, envelopes or even paper tape. Whatever is handy.

Writing something to me on the whiteboard.

Yesterday was a really good day.

write it down and remember

2010-07-14T21:15:00.000-07:00

My grandma, whom I have adored since I decided to grace the earth with my presence, is currently under the care of hospice. If you're not familiar, hospice is end-of-life care for people who are estimated to only have 6 months (or less) before end of life. Hospice is about death with dignity. Death with less pain. Hospice is a good thing at a bad time.

I have been going to my grandparents' house almost daily to help out with household chores, to bathe my grandma, or wash her hair, help her get dressed or just to visit with her.

Today was nice because all I did was chat with her. She can't speak, really, so she writes everything down. She tries to talk, and some days are better than others when it comes to clarity of speech.

It hit me, this day, that my grandma is at the end of life and will take with her volumes of information about my family that only she knows, remembers or experienced. She wrote some replies to some questions that came up today, and when she went to throw the paper away, I took the sheet of paper from her, folded it and put it in my pocket. As soon as I got home I made notations on the paper to put into context "47" "Wisconsin" "W.P.B. Fla"--among other things.

We brought out the family bible, the enormous tome that it is (the word of God is heavy, I told her). It's amazing the papers that people shove into their family bible--not to mention the important births, deaths, marriages that are noted within. I added my marriage to Wayne, which she hadn't added yet. She's also missing the births of three of her great-grandchildren (Maya, Ben & Blake). Wayne and I don't have a family bible (my parents do!) to keep those important family records. I need to think of a way to keep track of our family history past and as we make it in the future. A bible will never do in this household.

My grandma showed me some journaling she did 3 weeks ago (she claims; her recognition of time is sketchy right now). The penmanship on the page was lovely, as her handwriting always has been, which leads me to believe that it was written way before 3 weeks ago. Her penmanship now is difficult to read sometimes; her brain tumors really impact her ability to write as well as to speak. Communication is a challenge and a frustration. This bit of journaling that she completed was only a short page of brief recollections of her daily life during her childhood, but her writing...it was so descriptive and fun; it made me sad that she hadn't written more. She ended her memories on that page mid-sentence. Abruptly.

I hope she has more journals somewhere, but she told me she doesn't.

ah

2010-02-22T11:53:00.000-08:00

Thank god the sun is shining. Crocus are blooming, and the bulbs that my Girl Scout troop planted outside their meeting space are poking up out of the cold earth to seek some warmth. Spring is coming! Yea!

This winter has to have been my best winter is years. We've had no snow days, which means that school is out on-schedule this year. I haven't felt that foggy blah feeling that I get many winters; I attribute my improved mood to exercise and nutrition. I had my annual exam (that I only get about every 5 years), and I passed with flying colors. Pap was clear--yea! I hope my days of abnormal pap results is in my past forever. All my bloodwork was stellar. I feel healthy inside and out. Whoot! The best part of my exam was when the dr asked me if I exercise, and before I could answer, she said, "I will put "yes". You look very fit." Fit! Me! No one in my entire life has called me fit; it was exciting.

I was telling Wayne this morning that--unless something drastic happens-- this is the first spring-summer that I'm not dreading pulling out my warmer-weather clothes; however, none of my clothes fit now. Yesterday I tried to put on my favorite brown linen pants, which are perfect for the weather we've been having lately, but they are simply ginormous. I wonder if I can alter them. I hate to have to give them up.

Next month...in about 3 weeks, actually...I will be celebrating my 39th birthday. Thirty-NINE. Good lord, how did I get to this age. Seriously. I plan to go to Masa in Tacoma for some serious Latin dancing. And mojitos. Lots of mojitos. We'll do a family dinner there with the kids and some friends, and then the kids will take Maya home, and the party shall begin. I. Can't. Wait.

And then it's the downward spiral to 40.

deposition

2010-01-28T12:30:00.000-08:00

My (adult) child was served with a summons about two weeks ago.
A law office representing the school district has been trying to reach her for months because she is a witness to an event they are being sued over, but she has been ignoring their calls. I guess there's no ignoring a summons.

I took her in today, and she did her thing (I waited in a waiting area). Half an hour later, the attorneys for the district (defendant) and the plaintiff said their good-byes to us, and we were on our way.

The trial is scheduled for March 22, 2010, but Paige isn't yet sure if she'll have to actually testify.

http://www.splc.org/report_detail.asp?id=1446&edition=46

resolve

2010-01-06T10:29:00.000-08:00

I didn't make any New year's resolutions this year. I gave up that practice years ago when I realized that all I do is set myself up for diappointment when I make resolutions. It sucks to be disappointed in yourself.

That said, I want to try to get back to blogging about my mundane life and such a little bit more since I haven't even peeked at my blogger dashboard in months. It can get tedious, y'all.

Life recap in a quick minute:

Paige is no longer going to comminuty college. Well, not winter quarter, anyway. Hopefully she'll be back in the spring. She's currently working at a local ski area in the retail shop. She's been working a lot of hours, but she should be back to her regular 4-day work-week now that the holidays are over.
Brittani is still trucking along in her senior year of high school. Her portfolio is coming along well, and she is way more on top of it than Paige was last year. YeA! She submitted her application to WSU in December, so we're excited to hear back about that. She has a new boyfriend, but she always seems to have a boyfriend. This one actually seems nice and sane, which is a change. She attracts the crazies, you know.
Maya is Maya. Swim team. The Y. Girl Scouts. She's 9 and in 3rd grade....there isn't much more to say. She seems to be rebounding academically from her crappy year last year. It's amazing how a good teacher can lift a kid and how a bad teacher can really cause a kid to lose skills that were once present. Luckily she has a very adept teacher this year, and she should have the same teacher next year, too.
Wayne and I are still making the most of our Y membership. We go to spin classes 3-5 days a week at 5:30am, and we also try to go at least twice a week for strength training (both of us) and Zumba (me) in the evenings. I'm not losing anymore weight, even though I want to. I don't know what to do. Eat more? Eat less? Move more? Move differently? I would love to do a few sessions with a trainer...maybe for my birthday. Currently I am at 125, and I would like to get down another 8-10lbs; at this point, it feels impossible.
I finalized my hiring with teh school district, so I am now--officially--employed for the first time since, oh, 1998? Now I just need to work :-) I'm a substitute paraeductaor, and I haven't got a call all week--until last night, and I ignored it. Sigh. I guess that was another resolution: quit ignoring the school district's work calls. I need to work on that one, apparently.
We're gearing up for Disneyland in celebration of Brittani's graduation. We are going in late April this time, so hopefully it won't rain on us the entire time like last year, when we went in February. We will only be going to Disneyland, so we won't rent a car, which should save on costs in gas and car rental fees. Last year we went to San Diego from Anaheim on two different days and we spent another day in LA at Universal Studios. Great fun, all of it, but we need to simplify this year. We're excited but slightly stressed about how we're going to pay for this vacation.
In addition to Disneyland, we have our Big Trip to Mexico next January, which we are already trying to prepare for. We hope to go to Cozumel. Or is it Cancun? Somewhere over there anyway. We are looking into all-inclusives because it's easier that way. I think we may have found one or two we like, so now it's just a matter of paying for it. And that will probably be our last vacation for years and years.

And that my friend(s), is life, as I know, it in a nutshell.

meh

2009-09-30T11:35:00.000-07:00

The kids are all in school, and it's lovely.

Paige started community college last week, and so far, it's okay. She put off getting me the info on her books, so she has no books yet; they should be here Friday.
We ordered her books through www.abebooks.com, which had the best prices, by far, on the textbooks she needed. I was so, so happy because her math book was $180 at the bookstore but was only $90 through www.abebooks.com. Their prices beat all the other sites I checked out.

I started a new class series last week, and I now have two couples. I thought I was going to have three couples, which would have been fantastic, but I am pleased with two couples. I think I have a good read on most people, and I can tell, usually right away, whether my class and I are going to jive, and this class--they rock. I love their energy and their inquisitiveness. I have a good feeling. Plus, I am supposed to have two couples returning for refresher classes during this series as well, which should provide some good energy.

I'm continuing to lose weight; I think I've hit a point where it's very noticeable because I get comments almost daily from people about my weight. It feels good to hear, but it's also awkward. How does one respond to compliments on one's weight loss? I weighed in at 130.4 this morning, so I am about to lose a point. I'm doing Weight Watcher's point plan, so I get 20 points a day right now; once I get into the 120s, I'll only get 19 points. That should happen next week (I weigh in on Wednesdays).

I'm not yet committed to my weight loss, so I won't buy new clothes. I'm cheap like that. Everything I own is big on me: shirts, pants, bras, underwear... it's rather unflattering, but I have to admit that there is something comforting in wearing baggy clothes.

Wayne and I went to Pearl Jam last weekend, and it was, quite simply, the most amazing concert. I am ready to go to PJ every time they come to town. My next concert is U2 and The Black Eyed Peas in Vancouver, BC. I had to get a passport, which I've never had before, in order to get across the border. Because my parents like to complicate things, I ended up having to send in extra documentation to prove that I am me. Fortunately the 15 documents and 2 affidavits I sent in were enough to prove that I am me, and my passport arrived about 10 days later. Yea! Now I can go to Paris! But I'm not...I'm going to Canada, which shouldn't be as exciting...but it is.

My next international trip will be Mexico in January 2011, so this weight loss thing, it has to be maintained for awhile.

try tri

2009-08-29T11:07:00.000-07:00

Last night after we got home from doing some strength training at the Y, I did something I haven't done since, I swear, high school, when Friday's PE class was a day of forced running.
Yes, I ran.
Me. Running. Nothing chasing me.
It's bizarre, I know. I didn't run far, but I ran continuously; I'm going to check my distance today...the route was around a small part of my neighborhood. I even ran up a little hill. It was amazing.

And it was raining. I was running in the rain, and it felt pretty good.

Why was I running, even though I was not being chased by a bear or a mad man?

I am considering participating in a mini--or sprint--triathlon. .5 mile swim; 11-ish mile bike and 3 mile run. My biggest obstacle at this point is gear. Do you know how much gear one needs for a triathlon? And it's all expensive! I have my eye on the Danskin Triathlon next year--an all woman triathlon. There are other sprint triathlons in our area with similar distances (the bike distance seems to vary the most), but the Danskin Tri just seems like the right one.

The morning after I started to entertain the idea of doing the DT, we were at spin class at 5:30am, and this woman walks in--a bigger woman, definitely not your stereotypical triathlete physique--and she is wearing the DT shirt. I don't remember ever seeing her at a previous spin class with us (we're one of "the regulars" now--our spin teacher calls us the Dynamic Duo...Ha). It was a sign, I tell you!

So now I need to incorporate some running and swimming into my life.

Swimming. I have never been a stroke swimmer. Well, I would do a few sloppy strokes, stop and chat. Play around. I've never been a stroke and lap swimmer, I guess. 32 laps in a 25yd pool is half a mile. I have no idea when I'm going to try the swim portion. I better get my butt in the water soon, though! I need a suit, and some triathletes wear, like, wetsuits for the swim. The water in the lakes here in western Washington doesn't warm up too well usually. A regular suit runs about $80, but a wetsuit...that's a lot more money.

The bike...I know I can do 11 miles no problem--unless it is all vertical. That could be a challenge. Hilly or flat, I need a new bike. Badly. And bike shoes. Easily $1000 for a bike and shoes. In fact, that's a very low-end estimate.

The run. New shoes that are actually designed for running will cost around $100...maybe a bit more.

There are photos from the DT in Seattle here. Women of all shapes and sizes.
I can do this.

finals

2009-08-28T11:40:00.000-07:00

This is the final Friday of a lovely Summer Break.
I have enjoyed the past several weeks, and I am sad that it is coming to an end; nonetheless, I am looking forward to shipping some kids off to school for 6+ hours a day. I expect this school year to be faaaarrrr better than last school year, which I think was a waste of 180 days of Maya's life. Seriously.

And I don't have to endure having Paige in high school anymore. The gods are good.

Brittani begins her senior year this year, and I expect her senior year to be faaaarrrr better than Paiges senior year. Please, please, please, do not make me eat my words.

If I told you that Paige's senior year left permanent scars on my psyche, would that sound crazy? Because it did. Dammit. I need to let the anger goooooo... I stopped seeing that therapist, btw. I think she is crazy.

Anyway, that senior year is done, and we are on to a better year this year!

~~~~

So I've been busting my ass, getting up 4 days a week at 4:45am to go to spin at the Y, and we've begun lifting weights 3 times a week. I've been paying every month to attend Weight Watchers meetings weekly since May. I have lost 20+lbs, and I am now within a normal BMI. I am no longer in the "overweight" category. I am at the top end of normal for my height, but I'm there. I feel great...better than I have in years. I feel even better than I did when I was on South Beach Diet because I can still eat what I want to eat--just less of it. I do feel full faster now, too. Just last night I had a slice of meat pizza and salad with strawberries, sliced almonds and feta tossed with olive oil and balsamic. Totally full. One slice of pizza. I used to pack in three or four, I swear. Ick.
But Pizza. I ate pizza. At least once a week I eat a slice of pizza, and I still lose weight. Never on SBD could I do that.
Now I need to lose another 10-15lbs and keep it off until January of 2011...our long awaited trip to Mexico.

cool nights

2009-08-13T11:11:00.001-07:00

We came home from South Carolina couple weeks ago to quite the heat wave in western Washington. I am very thankful for our air conditioning on those rare times when the night doesn't cool down like it usually does.

Last night, I finally turned off the a/c and opened the windows up again. We're back to rain, gray skies and temps in the mid 60s, which is great for fall but is dismal weather for the last few weeks of summer vacation.

I love a cool breeze blowing across me at night when I sleep, so we usually sleep with our bedroom window open all year long--even in the dead of winter. It used to drive Wayne nuts, but he's used to it now. The most difficult part of sleeping with an open window is the noise.

Our neighborhood is your standard tract housing neighborhood in the suburbs--one of those that went up like mad in the late 90s and early 2000s (our home was built in 2003). My neighbor's back door is probably 50 feet from my back door, and each house is about 10 feet apart on the sides. We're scrunched in here, which is one reason why I am dying to move away from here. Anyway, the noise.

We always have our bedroom window open, but usually our neighbor's keep their windows closed--unless it's hot. Then our windows close, and their windows open. It's well coordinated.
This morning, with our window open and their windows open, we were flooded with morning noise:

Alarms beeping relentlessly, being snoozed, only to go off again in 7-9 minutes. I cant tell you how many alarms--different alarms-- I heard go off between 4:30am and 5:30am! I also never realized how many people awaken to the BEEP-BEEP-BEEP alarm. Who can wake up to that and have anything close to resembling a happy day?
Babies crying. I know they cry. I am sympathetic to that, since I had a baby and lived in pretty much an apartment. That must have sucked for my neighbors, and I'm sorry. Still, it is unpleasant to awaken to a baby crying...and crying..and crying--especially when that baby is not yours.
Dogs barking. Incessantly. This dog, I want to scream at him to SHUT UP. Every freaking morning, he yips and yips like crazy. His owners are either gone or just ignore him. Who in their right mind lives in a neighborhood like this and owns a dog that is a persistent yipper? It just doesn't seem well thought out to me.

Hm. I do sound cranky about it, but I'm not. I am, however, really ready to move somewhere with a little more space, somewhere with a little more peace and quiet. For now, I think I will close my windows and turn the a/c back on until my neighbors close their windows again.

reunited

2009-08-02T23:42:00.000-07:00

...and it feels so good.

This weekend was my reunion.
Awesome.

No, it really was awesome.

The funny thing about high school is that it is a short time in one's life--maybe the shortest stage--but it is the time in life when we develop our identity, which makes it a very significant period of time. Most people would never in a million years want to go through high school again, and I am in the majority, for sure; however, it's still fun to go back once every decade to see what everyone's been up to and to see the people who helped you establish your identity (that you have probably--hopefully-- shed for new identity by the 20 year reunion).

The ten year reunion, which I've whined about possibly too much, was a cliquey event. Ten years isn't a lot of time to pass between graduation and reunion. There may be some insecurities that remain, some old relationships that still hurt or cause one to feel embarrassed (not speaking from personal experience. Ha!), and you're also still trying to establish your place in the adult world.

By the twenty year reunion, we're married, maybe divorced and remarried; most of us have kids; careers are mostly established; identities are more secure and are likely vastly different than the identity one had in high school (thank god!)...everything feels more settled. At least that's how I felt, and I'm one of those people that thinks everyone feels the same way I feel.

Okay, so it's TWENTY years later, and this reunion did not feel cliquey to me at all. Of course I was hanging with my girls, but I also chatted up people that weren't part of my high school group. Most of the women looked great. Amazing, even. The guys were all men. It's weird how that happens. Some were heavier, bulkier...a few had less hair. They all wore their new looks well, though.

I only had one person who was a complete ass to me, which is exactly how he was in high school. Oh well, no worries. Obviously not everyone matures and grows in 20 years, so KH, maybe at the 25 or 30 year reunion, you can act like a reasonable mature adult.

My favorite part of the reunion was just seeing the girls I hung out with in high school (RB, JM, RR, HM, SJ, JD), and I even mingled with a few women I wasn't tight with in high school but whom I get on with awesomely now (BSR, that's you).

I missed some people: Andy, Dave, Andrew M, in particular. They were the guys I think of when I think back to high school...maybe briefly they were boyfriends, but more importantly they were boy friends. I hear they are all doing well, and that makes me so happy. Back in high school, I never would have thought that I would care what my classmates would be doing in 20 years, nor would I even imagine that I would be happy, thrilled even, at their successes and happiness. But I am. I can honestly say that being in a room with a bunch of people who really seem to be where they want to be in life--or are headed that direction-- is very uplifting and satisfying.

The gin and tonics help keep that high feeling going, I imagine.

I can't wait for the next reunion...5 years from now, maybe?

unfocused

2009-07-30T23:27:00.000-07:00

I have about 6 unfinished blog posts that are just going to whither and die because the relevance of the posts are simply...irrelevant.

Succinctly: Paige graduated. We both survived. Summer is awesome but far too short.

We just returned from a 10 day trip to SC. It was fun. Humid, hot but wonderful. Then we came home to record temps, which I am loving. It helps to have air conditioning and a pool. This past winter was so long and horrible that I am fully appreciating the heat and sun that we are experiencing now.

Tomorrow night...
Night One of The Reunion.
Mount Si Class of 1989
'89 Rulz

It's an all-weekend-long event. Friday: meet at a bar. Saturday: The main event at the casino. I'm excited to see several people. It should be fun. There's some people who aren't going that I'd like to see, but oh well. Oh, and major excitement: there's a nightclub with a dj. I have so been craving to go to a club, but I don't want to be That Old Lady at the club. I'm hopeful that at a casino (in Snoqualmie no less), my age will be less of an issue. I'm probably delusional.

Sunday is the family picnic, which Paige doesn't want to go to because she doesn't want to be That Kid: the one that was born soon after graduation. But she's so not That Kid. There were a lot of babies born around the time she was born--more than I knew of anyway.

This should be a good weekend, but it'll probably make me feel ooollllllldddddd. Ugh.

5 days...

2009-06-08T09:19:00.000-07:00

...until Paige is supposed to graduate.

We'll see.

This week is going to suck so bad; I'm going to be stressed. She's going to be stressed. We won't know until Friday whether she can graduate, and even if she does earn the credits she needs, we won't know if they will let her walk until Friday. I have to admit that I am really angry at Paige for letting this happen.

All that said:

Mom and dad, I'm sorry.

I have a few friends who want to come to Paige's graduation; I thought that was very thoughtful of them. Paige's first Girl Scout leader, who is now a very dear friend, wants to come, and Wayne's co-worker, who went down a very similar path during her son's senior year. Actually, both Shawn and Tamme have kids that had senior years very much like Paige's. The situation Paige is in is not all that unusual.

Paige's prom was this weekend, and I guess she had a great time.

Brian and Paige

Emerald Ridge, 98374
(Clockwise from left)): Harrison, Lauren, Brian, Paige, Amanda, Jade, Matt, Tony, Dallas & Brian.

I am so ready for Paige's senior year to be over. It's been hell. I was so looking forward to having a year that would go smoothly; a year to just enjoy and reminisce about her childhood. So not happening.

I do plan to spend Saturday night pretty well intoxicated whether she graduates or not. I think I'll bring out the Patron Silver and do some shots. Actually, I think we'll have to have a party for ourselves!

Snews

2009-05-21T11:12:00.000-07:00

20 Year High School Reunion (Go, Wildcats!):
Paid for, which means I have to go. Damn. No, I'm excited to see the old Mount Si Alumni Classof '89 (ROCKS!). Should be fun...and there's bound to be booze. Can I just say now that I think Jen Mathwig, Sabrina Johnson, Andrew Hassard, Andy Archibald and Dave Cottrell should attend this time. Throw in a Jason Gregory for good measure... It'll be good to see others, too, but thems was my peeps--good and bad. Ups and downs. Renae will be there, though, so I'm good.

Weight Watchers:
I am now an official Suburban Mom. I joined WW a couple of weeks ago, and I'm progressing slowly and steadily. It's been easier to follow than the South Beach Diet we were on a few years ago. Thank gods.

Power 90:
My dear friend, Shawn, has been talking to me about Power 90 for a few months. She has lost inches upon inches. I'm giving it a go. We're also joining the Y. Time to try Zumba, maybe?

Sasquatch!:
Ahhh... we thought we weren't going to be able to go, but we pulled it off last minute. Maya is going to stay at my mom and dad's with my sister and her kids. Britt is going to her mom's, and Paige is here or there or wherever she may be.
Last year was amazing. This year,the weather should be perfect. No rain or clouds in the forecast, and it should be nice and toasty. I can't wait!

The kids:
20 days until school is out (20 school days, anyway), and I can't wait for this year to be over. It was the year of the blahs for Maya. The year of me pulling my hair out because of Paige. One down (Paige) and one to go (Brittani). Brittani, btw, is so on top of everything it gives me goosebumps. Portfolio: check. SAT: scheduled for June 6th. Community Service: in the works. As stressful as Paige's senior year has been, I think Brittani's will be a breeze.

We're planning another trip to see Mickey and his crew in late April or early May of next year to celebrate Brittani's graduation. We are very excited!!

more is realistic

2009-05-14T11:17:00.000-07:00

Yes, less is more, but sadly, more is realistic.

We've been dealing with some issues in our family. Nothing new. I think they're resolved for now. When you have teenagers, there are bound to be issues.

Last night we were hashing out the current issues at the dinner table. As we were in the midst of this ordeal, we get a phone call from the YMCA. Awhile back Maya tried out for their swim team, and she made it onto their novice level team waitlist. The phone call was letting us know that Maya is at the top of the list.

Please ignore the post below that states we are going to remain unscheduled for the summer. I guess we'll be doing swim team at least June through August. Three times a week.

less is more

2009-04-26T20:40:00.000-07:00

Last week was another week from hell.
Busy at home, school and (for Wayne) work. I was a woman on the verge; I have weeks where I totally understand the alcoholic housewife stereotype from the 1950s. I so would have tossed back a few gin and tonics before noon, if I thought I could get away with it. I do have to drive carpool pick-up most of the week, you know.

Class.
Paige shopping & hair.
Prepare for the final 5 Girl Scout meetings.
Accompany Paige for senior portraits.
Maya field trip (I organized this one: 148 people attending the movie "Earth").
I finally cooked dinner on Thursday night.
Wayne attended a Big board meeting (huge stress).
Girl Scout meeting.
Girl Scout event (Brainiacs).

So we trudged through the week and suddenly it was Saturday afternoon, and I collapsed.

I came home from the Girl Scout event (fun!), and the house was clean. Wayne is a super-speedy cleaner of the house, and I am the easily distracted ADD cleaner of the house. He gets done in two hours what takes me all day.

We chilled all the day long, but for some reason, we couldn't ditch the kids. In fact, when one left, two more came and took her place. We went from 3 kids in the house to 4 kids! It's hard to fully unwind when the house runneth over with teenagers.

I think I'm going to take my mom's advice and be largely unscheduled this summer. No swim team (we quit and are officially done at the end of April). No YMCA. Just two weeks of Girl Scout day camp for Maya. That should leave us lots of time and some extra money for camping (and Brittani's senior year).

Paige graduates in a few weeks (June 13th). We're having her Graduation Party May 31st with our family and friends and her dad's family and friends. I think it will be a blast. I am still waffling between strangling the girl and embracing the girl. She's seriously making me feel nutso.

senior portraits

2009-04-26T18:41:00.000-07:00

Pictures of the kid who is causing my hair to turn gray and my head to pound:
Here and here.

Class of 1989...2009...2019

2009-04-22T11:18:00.000-07:00

whooosh!

2009-04-21T14:19:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I attended a Troop Camp Training for Girl Scout leaders who are taking their troops camping; I went with my friend and co-leader, Sus. I had a blast, and I also rediscovered that there is a certain type of GS mom that I do not want to be.

We camped at Camp St. Albans in Belfair; I love Camp St. Albans. It's the camp both Paige and Brittani attended for resident camp, and we troop camped there in previous years as well. It was so odd to be standing in the same areas that I stood with my older girls--places I haven't been to in years. I don't know that I have had that feeling since Maya has been born, even when we may have done the same things as i did with the older two.

It was the most bizarre sense: I was standing in Okashi, which is a lodge where crafts were done when the kids were at troop camping. I could totally envision the tables set up; the kids sitting around the tables making lanyard animals; the mom I had a conversation with about modesty in the US versus Europe... it just all came flooding back. Paige and Brittani--ponytailed and toothless, or their teeth big and oddly growing in (happens to us all!). The flag ceremony in front of the Lodge of Nations. All of it. Staying in the Pixie cabins with Brittani's troop, and trekking down the hill to the Pixie program shelter. Girls counting off during headchecks.

I nearly cried.
My girls are growing up, but their past was right in front of me. I felt like I could touch the little girls that that they were, but the images just fizzled away. I can honestly say that was the first time I ever had anything like that happen. It was overwhelming.

We go troop camping that first weekend in June. New memories waiting to be made!

the deciding factor

2009-04-10T11:58:00.000-07:00

This morning I toured a new school in our district that I am considering enrolling Maya into next year. The principal (Mr P) took an hour out of his morning to personally show me and my friend around the school.

It was very impressive.

Brand new: just opened for the first year in the '08-'09 school year. K-6, as are all the elementary schools in our district (if I were the King of the District, I would change them to K-3 schools and 4-6 schools, but I'm crazy like that).
Friendly staff: You must walk through the office to enter the building (safe), and the office staff were super nice and welcoming. Teachers and paras who came through were also friendly and made a point to say "hello" or "good morning" to us as we waited.
Responsive classroom: This is a concept that was used in Maya's K and 1st grade classes, and it fits very well within the co-op structure; however, Responsive Classroom is a piece that is being lost in our current program because the teachers who truly advocated for it have left or are leaving. Mr. P really believes in Responsive Classroom; he was actually the principal at our current school when our co-op teachers were really getting into Responsive Classroom. His entire school now operates under that philosophy. Amazing. Every morning he writes a morning message for the students, staff and parents, and that is the first thing they see when they walk into the school. Ever classroom has a morning meeting and they also have an afternoon meeting where kids can add items to the agenda and issues are discussed and a resolution process is begun.
They have the highest number of PTA members and parent volunteers in the whole district (our district is the 9th largest in the state, btw). Very impressive. Being able to volunteer in my kid's class is important to me, and you think that would be a given, but some teachers would prefer parents just make copies and correct papers. In the co-op model that we are in now, parents actually work with kids in small groups or one on one. It's nice to take time from one's day and spend it doing more than just busy work for the teacher.
Low enrollment numbers: the school is built to hold 750 kids, and they have around 600 kids currently enrolled. Our current school is built for 550 and has about 850 enrolled.
Looks good on paper: great WASL scores, not a Title I school.
Technology: Insane. Each classroom is paired with another and between them, they each have a project room that consists of at least 4 (FOUR!!) computers, plus there's a computer lab *and* a rolling computer lab with laptops for the kids to use. ......... Astounding. Maya's current school has no computer lab. Her classroom has one computer that the teacher doesn't let the kids use. They go down the hall to another classroom to take AR tests, and that is their exposure to technology at school. Dismal, at best. Each classroom at the school we toured uses Smartboards. Maya's teacher last year had to buy a huge white board that she then hung over the existing blackboard. That is the whiteboard that Maya's teacher currently uses. Again...dismal. Kids check in using the Smartboard. The teacher uses a wireless mic to project her voice to the class--no yelling or voice straining. Sweeeet.
The desks that are used are awesome. They aren't those heavy desks that you often see in a classroom; they are lightweight and have a steel grid area underneath for students to store their notebooks and whatever else goes in a desk. They appear to be easy to move around. Most of the classrooms did not put the kids in rows. I think I saw rows used in maybe one 2nd grade class. In K-3 they appeared to be in small groups or horseshoe shape. In 4th-6th grades, the kids make their own choices on where and how they want to sit to learn: alone, at a regular desk, small group, in a lawn chair at a low table, at angled or semi-circle tables. Very innovative.
Kids eat in the lunchroom and not in class. That has its advantages and disadvantages. I do like the idea of my kid getting out of the classroom more often, though.
Late start school: begins at 8:55 instead or 8:25. In the morning, half an hour makes a big difference. That does mean that dismissal is at 3:15 instead of 2;45.

So that's just a brief list of the great things about the school.
Some things that don't please me:

Large class size. We're talking about 26 or 27 kids in 1st and 2nd grade. 30 kids in 3rd. 30+ kids in 4th-6th. Maya is currently in a class of 23 kids with 23 sets of parent volunteers coming in weekly. Next year, the class size increases to 24.
No field trips. The district has a lame policy that does not allow parent-driven field trips, and buses are expensive; therefore, most kids in the district go on maybe 1-2 field trips a year. Co-op is an exception from the no parent-driven field trip rule. The usual field trip(s) in our district are: Karshner Museum (snooze), which is a Puyallup history museum (and is great the first year you go and in 3rd grade, when the kids are finally allowed to enter the tee-pee) is an annual field trip, and sometimes the PTA will help pay for bus transportation to a play or NW trek. Maya has gone on numerous field trips this year with her class--5 in March and April: Pioneer Farm Museum, Little Red Riding Hood play at the pantages in Tacoma (PTA paid for the bus...the entire 2nd grade attended), Karshner, Pippi Longstocking play in Olympia (parent driven) and a private screening of the film Earth at the local movie theater (walking field trip--parent chaperones).

If we leave the co-op, it will be with great sadness. At this point, I think we may stay for one more year and then go to the other school in 4th grade. I don't know. I feel like my kid will do really well at the new school; she already knows people there and has friends who go there. I think she may be more challenged at the new school, which is good. This school year has been such a Brain Jell-o kind of year for her; poor kiddo.

We have some thinking to do.

Oh, here's a picture of Maya doing something FUN and COOL in class recently; they were studying geometry, and they built robots using three dimensional objects. The end results were awesome.

unintentionally cruel

2009-03-28T21:45:00.000-07:00

I think that those of us who are parents have moments where we think, "my god, I really am a bad parent."

I had that moment--not for the first or last time, I'm certain-- on Thursday, March 26th at about 3:15pm.

That was when I paid someone almost $1,000 to turn my youngest daughter's mouth into something resembling a medieval torture device. To say I was shocked is an understatement; in fact, I keep thinking that I will take her back to the orthodontist's office and make him take the horrible thing out immediately.

She handled it well. When she looked at her reflection in the mirror, I expected her to break down in tears, which is what I wanted to do; however, she looked surprised but she seemed to accept her new appearance easily enough.

We had an event at school that night, and most of the kids who saw her asked, "What is that in your mouth?!?!?" A few kids reacted by looking at her like she was a freak and then ran away from her. Very few kids reacted that way, and I wasn't at all surprised to see which kids behaved that way. The next day, she took time during her class' morning meeting to talk about it (it's called a crib) and answer questions. Her teacher said she was very self-assured while talking about it and answering questions.

I don't know how I've raised such a confident and self-assured child because I am one of the most insecure and self-conscious women I know; I told Wayne it must be his share of DNA that makes her that way.

Observe the cruelty:

It's only 12-18 months, right?

three orthodontists walk into a bar...

2009-03-12T13:43:00.000-07:00

My kid has some jacked up teeth, which is the result of almost continuous finger sucking (left hand, ring and middle fingers together) since 6 months of age. She's now almost 8 1/2.
(Long boring story ahead for referance purposes mostly.)

We made appointments with two of the orthodontists in town. There are probably six in town, if I had to guesstimate; I chose to meet with one who we saw a few years ago for Brittani, who ended up *not* getting braces, and the other one I just pulled off of the Goooogle.

Our first appointment was with a Downtown Orthodontist (Dr. Sutherland); my first impression upon entering the office was how chaotic it was. The staff were very friendly, though. I sat down and noticed a wall of pamphlets, the titles of which escape me now, but the topics were Christian based. There were a few on Crisis Pregnancy (which is code for anti-abortion literature). Lots of godly literature. Marriage is meant for 1 man + 1 Woman kind of stuff; some Pray the Gay Away pamphlets, too, IIRC. That kind of disturbed me, but I am aware that he runs his own business and can display whatever literature he chooses. My dentist always has LDS magazines out, though he has finally added some good stuff--Us Weekly, People-- to his magazine library. My dentist is awesome, and he could have all that same literature out, and I would still see him. Good care is hard to find, you know.

So I gave this guy the benefit of the doubt. His treatment coordinator, Maritza, was awesome. Super nice and welcoming. The Dr came in, and what I loved about him was how he addressed Maya directly. *She* is the patient; I just pay the bill. He sat and talked with us about life in general: school, work, hobbies, etc. He didn't rush through the consultation exam; he gave us plenty of time for questions. He gave Maya a water bottle (the bad kind, though...BPA and all that).

The care plan at this point was to simply break the habit of sucking her fingers (thumbguard), and then he would see how her teeth fell into place, at which time, we would look into the next phase (braces, headgear, whatever else it will entail). The estimate was $880 with a 3% discount for full payment up-front (our insurance doesn't cover orthodontia).

The next appointment was several weeks later (mid January) with the Sunrise Orthodontist (Dr. Almond). We had seen this Dr before with Brittani. That was the Dr who gave us a $30,000+ estimate for her orthodontics and oral surgery. Wayne gets a bad vibe from the guy; he seemed nice enough to me in our prior visit, but his estimate was just so high and his treatment plan was so aggressive with Brittani (cut her lower jaw to shorten it, wire the jaw shut for a couple of months) that it was scary. Our dentist recommended that we not pursue that treatment with Brittani. He said, "If she was my kid, I wouldn't do it."

So that's our history with the Sunrise Orthodontist.
The office staff, of course, are super nice. They always are. Like the previous office, they do computerized check-ins that the patients initiate themselves. It's pretty cool.
We get back to see the Dr, and everything he says to Maya has to do with what he needs her to do ("open your mouth; bite down..."); there was no conversation between her and the Dr or between us and the Dr. He kept bringing up Brittani's bite, which was annoying. He was obsessed with Brittani's lower jaw, which caused him to really focus on that during Maya's visit.

His treatment plan was far more aggressive (of course): thumbguard (to prevent finger sucking) with expanders, braces on the front four teeth and headgear. $3700 for Phase 1. Wow.

I was *stunned* when we left his office.

How could two orthodontists have two totally different approaches to Maya's finger-sucking, and how do I make sense of it all? I may spend more at the Sunrise Ortho up front, but at least that cost is there, and I'm aware of it. On the other hand, I really just want her to stop sucking her fingers; I'm not worried about her bite or her jaw growth right now. She's 8!

I was concerned that all of that stuff together could be overwhelming for her. It's hard enough to stop a soothing habit, but to throw braces and headgear into the mix at the same time? I know my kid, and I know that would stress her out.

When we left that appointment, I knew we were in for another appointment with yet another orthodontist. I was getting really sick of orthodontist consults, and they work such wacky days that we ended up having to wait a few weeks for an appointment.

The final orthodontist we saw was a South Hill Orthodontist (Dr. Sutherland).
Again--office staff is great. The treatment coordinator was fabulous, as they all are; let me digress for a sec: The office staff are the salespeople; the Dr is the delivery guy. That seems to be the case for the offices we visited anyway. I think one would be hard-pressed to find an orthodontist office that has a really rude staff.

Okay, so we're chatting with the treatment coordinator while waiting for the Dr. Like the Downtown Orthodontist, the Dr and treatment coordinator really took time to talk with Maya and make her feel comfortable before they started poking and prodding around her mouth and face.

This orthodontist presented a similar treatment plan to what the Downtown Orthodontist presented. I asked about the headgear and braces, and he said that maybe in a few years but not now. He said his opinion is that she is still too young, and he wants to see how her teeth will come in without the fingers getting in the way. He said the headgear will change her jaw by just a few millimeters and that he doesn't see the benefit right now in her case.

The treatment plan he presented was a thumbguard for now with future orthodontia needs to be determined in the future. $800 with a 5% discount for full payment up-front.

Then we had to make a decision: which orthodontist do we go with?

The Downtown and South Hill orthodontists were our options. There was no way in hell we were going to the Sunrise Orthodontist; he is very aggressive (from our experience with both the girls we've taken to him for consultations), and when it comes to orthodontia, aggressive = expensive = his next family vacation. Also, I really didn't appreciate his lack of communication with Maya, especially when the other two were so warm and welcoming when they spoke to her and to me.

We ended up choosing the South Hill Orthodontist, but that was largely because of location. I would highly recommend either the Downtown Orthodontist or the South Hill Orthodontist, and I let the Downtown Orthodontist know that I loved their office, staff and Dr; it just saves us about 40 minutes per appointment to use the South Hill Orthodontist.

Maya had her first appointment with SHO yesterday to place the spacers; she did great. She has one more appointment next week, and then the week before spring break is when the thumbguard will be placed.

Wish me luck. That is not going to be an easy habit to break...

hyperbole

2009-03-06T17:57:00.000-08:00

I'm looking at the weather report for Saturday and Sunday, and guess what I see?
Snow.
I am so tired of this winter dreariness. It seems like winter gets longer and longer every year; I thought that with the extension of daylight saving time that winter would seem shorter, but nope.

I hate dst.
I always feel like I'm running late. I am always so relieved when we go back to standard time because dinner time doesn't happen 15 minutes after lunch time anymore. But then there's that whole dark at 2:30 crap to have to contend with. However, longer daylight hours just makes me feel like I need to make more use of the light. I don't like the government fiddling with my productivity guilt, so I think we should just decide to use one or the other. No more back and forth between dst and standard time; it just messes with my mind and body.

And I think it may cause cancer.

nineteen eighty-nine

2009-02-26T09:09:00.000-08:00

I have a daughter who is a senior.
Unless you, too, have had a child who is a senior, I don't think you can completely understand the stress, the pride, the fear and, in my case, the utter frustration that one feels as a parent of a senior.

Senior year is not an easy year for many kids. There are graduation requirements that need to be met (culminating project). There's the prospect of the future: Go to university? Community college? Tech school? Take a "gap year" and work, travel, loaf? Assert independence that you aren't so sure you're ready to wear? It's really, really tough. I know it has been *forever* since I was a senior in high school, but I remember the feelings that go with those decisions quite vividly because intensely felt feelings carve into your soul never to be forgotten.

I remember feeling that so many of my friends had their stuff together so much better than I. They were going to universities, community colleges. I didn't have a strong sense that I could take on those responsibilities. I was barely making it through my senior year! I felt a bit of a loss and that I was dangling out in the limboland of loserville. It pretty much sucked.

These are the things I remember as I see my own child struggle to fulfill her graduation requirements.

What saved me from myself my senior year...or, more specifically, *who* saved me from myself was a new teacher to our school. He was my horticulture teacher. I loved horticulture, and I still enjoy it, so don't mock. Plants are life and oxygen and are essential to our existence. Yeah, it would be considered a slacker class, but it was fulfilling--far more fulfilling to me then than, say, math.

Anyway, I was chronically truant. I had 20+ absences at one point in a semester, and it is easy to fall behind when one misses that many days in a semester. I was also taking a Zero Period class (I think it was History or Econ with Mr Kelly) and I had to take freaking Commercial Foods in order to get credit for my job. My senior year schedule sucked.

My horticulture teacher, Kirk Stuart, told me at one point that he was going to do whatever he could do to assure that I would graduate. He may have just wanted to get rid of me, but his motive is unimportant to me 20 years later. It was unimportant to me then. He was the only teacher I had in three years at that high school who appeared to care about my success at all. At that point, I think he cared more than I cared.

During my horticulture class, I would work on missing assignments from other classes. He'd help me if I needed it. He was a good guy.

I think about Mr. Stuart more than I think about any other teacher (except maybe Mrs. Pickens because I was just such a bitch to her--entirely unnecessarily, too). When I finally went back to school (community college), I thought of Mr. Stuart. What he did for me back in 1989 was really big of him. I don't know if I ever thanked him, but I am so grateful.

Now I see my kid fighting a system that can't be fought. She doesn't want to do certain things in order to graduate: compiling her portfolio from freshman through senior year, which includes 20 hours of community service, letters of recommendation, letters from college(s), resume, evidence of learning, etc, etc. It's a lot to do, and she has pretty much done none of it.

She won't listen to me because I am 20 years removed from high school, and she knows what a crap student I was because she mentions it often enough. Plus, I am her Mom. Moms are dumb. This I know because my Mom was dumb was I was Paige's age. I don't know what it is about moms, but once a kid turns about 16, the mom becomes retarded. I don't mean that in a derogatory way. I mean it literally. Their brains are not fully developed and are therefore reatrded in growth. For some reason, once the child reaches the age of about 20 or 21, his/her mom is suddenly normal again. It really sucks to be a mom in her retarded phase, which is what I am in now.

Paige needs a Mr. Stuart. A teacher who has confidence in her. A teacher who can relate to her. A teacher who can light a fire under her ass like no other person can. A teacher who believes she can graduate and then do whatever else she wants to do.

The problem is that Paige is not in a school with only 400-500 kids like my 9th-12th grade high school. She is in a 10th-12th grade high school that has more like 1500 kids. Her graduating class is *huge.* She disrespects her advisory teacher, who is supposed to walk her through this process. She has little to no respect for many of her teachers, and when you feel like a kid thinks you're slime, why would you ever invest your time and effort into helping her?

I know we'll make it through this year alive, and if she gets her ass in gear, she may even graduate on time with her peers.

Oy, but it's tough to be the parent of a senior.

what will I be like when it comes time for her to go to college?

2009-02-11T21:22:00.000-08:00

How important is a child's primary school years?
Maya is in 2nd grade, and she is part of a unique program within our school district; the program is multi-age (1-2 class, 3-4 class 5-6 class) and a full day kindergarten. It's been an excellent program for teaching leadership and mentoring skills, and the kids tend to do well-above average when tested in reading, writing and math. The class size tend to be smaller (low 20s or less compared to the 30s), and there is a minimum requirement for family volunteer hours. Field trips are taken at least once a month and sometimes more frequently.

I have to admit that I wasn't in love with Maya's 1st grade teacher, and there were some things she did that I strongly disagreed with as far as discipline within the classroom; however, aside from a few glaring exceptions, she had a great learning vibe in her class. The kids were always questioning and seeking answers. It was awesome.

She retired at the end of the year, and so Maya had a new teacher this year.

I love Maya's new teacher; if we were to go out for coffee, I could chat with her all day long. She's funny and personable; however, I hate how she runs her class. It's like stepping back in time 10-20 years. She is painfully traditional. If one were to walk in the classroom, it wouldn't be evident that it is a multi-age class. She has even admitted that she's not teaching multi-age; it's truly painful.

Recently it was announced that the beloved full-day Kindergarten co-op teacher's class will be cut to half-day. She doesn't want to do half-day and will leave the co-op if full-day is no longer an option. Ugh. She really gets the whole multi-age concept, and she is into the Responsive Classroom model, which is so cool. It would suck to lose her, and I feel (as many others do, too) that her absence will have a huge impact on the longevity of the co-op.

In addition to all of that, there is a new 3-4 co-op teacher this year, too. I haven't heard much about her. No one seems to be in love with what she is doing with the class, and no one seems to abhor what she's doing either. I want to be impressed with what is going on in the co-op classes, so I find it mildly upsetting that no one seems to have much to say about her.

Oh, and I also found out that our new principal, who is completely unsupportive of the co-op (the co-op consists of three multi-age classes and one full day K within a poorly performing public school; the kids in the co-op consistently test higher than the rest of the school) has decided that she will add 6th graders who are *not* part of the co-op to the co-op class because there are only 16 kids in the 5-6 co-op class; whereas there are 31 kids in some of the school's 6th grade classrooms. That action would totally undermine the concept of the co-op because those incoming kids' families would not be held to the same contracts that the rest of the families in co-op classes are held to.

All of these things have left me scrambling to find a really great educational model for my kid. Right now I have her on a waiver to attend the co-op. I drive her to school every day because there is no bus transport from our home to that school. We are contracted to 90 hours per year of volunteer time per school year (that's for one child; with each additional child the volunteer hour obligation increases). We pay for numerous field trips (an average of 2 per month) and a yearly registration fee. I want to see something different from the classrooms in my neighborhood school; otherwise, I might as well just stay in my neighborhood school and volunteer how ever much I want to volunteer and not spend money above and beyond what is required for normal public school education.

It's frustrating.

I found a great program, though. It's not in our district, so chances are slim that I could even get Maya into the school. It is about an hour away from where we live. It's a public school that is fully multi-age. Every class is either K-1-2 or 3-4-5. It looks amazing. They do an out-of-district lottery in the spring, and I think we might try our luck and see if we can get Maya in for the '09-'10 school year. We can do that until she's in 6th grade and then come back for 6th grade to our current co-op program. I've heard really good things about the 5-6 co-op teacher.

I never thought I would worry so much about primary and intermediate education for my kid, but I don't want her academic spirit to be killed. Already this year, her creative writing, which is one of her strengths, has diminished. Creativity, expression and exploration are simply not fostered this year, and it makes me so sad. Leadership and mentoring, which are cornerstones of muti-age learning, have been completely discarded.

What I would prefer is to change the existing program back to the vital and innovative program that was once its reputation, but if no one else is able to see the disintegration that is happening within the co-op, I will definitely take my kid to a school an hour away...if she can get in. If she can't get into the other school, I may just go to the school up the street. I don't know.

bad girls

2009-01-27T10:54:00.000-08:00

Facebook is a bizarre thing.
Last night I added a girl I was friends with in junior high. Until I started writing back and forth with her, I had forgotten how crazy my junior high years were.

It also brought me back to this weird place.

I lived in the same neighborhood for 11 years or so, and I went to school with many of the same kids from elementary school through junior high. Just as I was getting ready to go on to the high school with my friends, my parents moved me to another town, another school. It worked out well enough-- I loved the high school I went to, once I warmed up to it, and I love(d) the friends I made there. That said, there are a lot of people that I went to school with for years and years that I have a ton of memories with, who graduated from a different high school-- a high school whose reunion I won't be part of. It feels weird. Sometimes I get mixed up and think a kid I went to junior high with is a kid with whom I went to high school. Or vice versa.

Anyway, my friend Denice, she cracked me up the night we were talking via Facebook. We did some crazy things together, and we really gave our parents serious headaches. I completely forgot all of that until we started to catch-up. Talking to Denice really made me miss the friends I had in my old neighborhood; we were a plentiful and fairly tight bunch of kids. My other friend from back then, Angie, has added several kids from Inglewood hill (our 'hood) and our junior high (Evergreen!) to her fb. I may end up copying her :-)

late

2009-01-15T13:43:00.000-08:00

What do you when you are 38, you have an 18 year old, a 16 year old and an 8 year old, and your period is 12 days late?

Freak out and then buy an ept.

Thankfully it (they) was (were) negative. It really scared me, though, because when a woman's husband has had a vasectomy, she trusts that pregnancy is not something she ever has to worry about again.

Wayne never went back to the doctor after his vasectomy to have his sperm count verified as zero, and I told him that he needs to go do that, um, now. I really don't want to become pregnant again. Five years ago, I would have been okay with it, but now? I would be actively parenting minor children from age 19 to age 56. I love my kids, but the idea of raising young ones for an additional 18+ years exhausts me to no end.

I guess I should schedule an appointment with my doctor, though, to get a check-up and make sure nothing too funny is going on in my reproductive organs. It's probably just peri-menopause--I saw an episode on perimenopause on Oprah last week.

still

2009-01-10T17:20:00.000-08:00

We're in Leavenworth and it's wonderful, as usual. We have a different room-- we always have the same room, so a new room is, well, weird. It's still a nice room, though: jacuzzi tub, king bed, suite with a private balcony.

No kids with us this year, which is different but good. We didn't get to go away on our yearly anniversary trip to Deep Forest Cabins, and this trip makes me miss that trip even more, but it's okay.

It's very quiet and still here now. Town is quiet--probably because of the recent flooding and the mountain passes were closed for a couple of days. Wayne is at some lecture right now...or talk..or whatever they call it. Something about families and the ICU. He loves his work, and he loves to learn more about how he can do what he does even better than he does it now.

No TV.
No Radio.
Just silence.
And a glowing monitor...

It's very nice.

---
I have a new series starting on Monday. The one couple has decided to drop, though their baby does not appear to have Down syndrome. They expect numerous other health complications in the infant. Mom said that the drs are telling her that she will be on strict bedrest before too long and that the baby will likely "be taken" early. To "be taken" usually means born by cesarean.
---

Last night Wayne received a facebook friend notification thingy. An ex...I don't know how to describe her... Just an Ex, I guess. Anyway, it was her. She has contacted him sine we have been together-- letters and phone calls that were rather pleading, if I recall correctly. It was a long time ago, though. She was long forgotten until thsi request came through.

He immediately wanted to ignore it. What!? He is such a guy. I made him accept it. I threatened to be angry with himif he didn't acceot it. He doesn't understand: accept it, so you can look at her profile. I had never seen her, only heard about her. I had to see.

So I looked through her profile and became slightly obsessed. I began asking a bunch of questions about his relationship with her that was 13 or so years ago. Like it even matters. It was well before us, and he has always said she was a nutcase.

So that led me to look at his facebook because of course, if he's (well, I'm) looking at hers, she's probably looking at his. And guess what? Not a single picture of me or us on his facebook. Then I get grumpy. Then he deleted her from his friends list because it was making me slightly insane.

It was all fun, and I wasn't really angry, and he didn't get angry--there was definitely no arguing during this Just an Ex Facebook Debacle-- it's just weird when you think that we each had these different lives before we met each other. I told him, "the odd thing is that now you KNOW she was actually looking for you on facebook." You just never know who out there is looking for you.

sadness

2009-01-08T13:35:00.000-08:00

This month marks the beginning of my seventh year of teaching natural childbirth classes.
I can't believe all the wonderful families I've been able to work with; each couple has taught me something new about pregnancy, birth and relationships.

I've been fortunate to have taught for this long without any major incidents with my students-- like injury and death.

I have a new series beginning on Monday. It was scheduled to begin January 26th, so I called my registered students to see if they would be down with beginning on the 12th instead. One mom I talked to received some unexpected news in late December right before the holidays: her baby is not developing as expected, and the prediction is that the baby has Down syndrome. I didn't know what to say. She had to wait until this week to find out more information because, of course, many people take time off for the holidays. She told me, "I'm sorry if I start crying." Oh. I feel awful that she felt the need to say that.

She said that she and her husband are fine with the baby having Down syndrome, it's the unknown that is scary...and the fact that everything that she thought was normal and predictable is now unknown and unpredictable. I am so sad for her--not because of anything that may be "wrong" with her baby-- because being pregnant, giving birth and having a baby can be such a fearful time for women and to top it off with the unknown and the waiting to know....it's just so hard.

I imagine that she will choose to not take my class. The baby will be taken from her immediately after his birth. There will be no immediate skin to skin or putting the baby to breast. She can still have a natural birth, though, unless something else arises that I am unaware of at this time. I try to imagine what it would be like for me to take a birthing class with women who are having perfectly healthy babies knowing that I am having a child with multiple health issues. I think it would be painful, but I also think that the experience can be positive for her and for those in class with her. Her experience can really touch others in ways that she may be unable to imagine right now and may really lift her spirits.

I feel for her, and I wish there was something I could do for her.

slumdog millionaire

2009-01-04T23:08:00.000-08:00

For Christmas, Wayne and I were given 4 pairs of movie tickets from Costco from my parents. They really are the best gift because Wayne and I love, love, love to see a good film, but we can rarely justify the expense. I'd rather wait for it to come on DVD than pay those insane prices. At home I'm also able to sit through an entire movie without people kicking the back of my seat and talking all throughout. Plus there's "pause" for when I have to pee.

However, at home there's no movie theater popcorn, which I love too much.

Wayne and I used the first pair of tickets last night. We went out to dinner at Blue Island Sushi Roll in Federal Way, which is really yummy. I love it there. Then we headed to Auburn to watch Slumdog Millionaire.

Oh. My. God.

It was the most moving, beautiful, horrifying and tragic film I have seen in a very long time.
I knew nothing about the flick except that it was about an 18 year old Indian guy who was looking for his lost love while on the Indian version of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. The plot description didn't grab me, but all I heard from anyone anywhere was how wonderful this movie was.

Oh. My. God.

I am really not overstating. It was the best film I have seen in I can't remember how long. I laughed. I cried. I cried some more. And then as credits rolled, I laughed as I cried. I can't get the damn movie out of my mind. I keep reading that the cultural and societal portrayals are accurate, which kills me. If kids really do live like that in India, it is disgraceful. It absolutely breaks my heart.

So go now to fandango to see where Slumdog Millionaire is playing near you.
I think I may go see it again and drag my mom and sister with me (well, I probably won't have to actually drag them); I don't think I have ever gone to the theater to see a movie more than once.

I can't wait until it comes out on DVD.

Duggars do Bradley

2008-12-29T14:40:00.000-08:00

I am watching 17 Kids and Counting on TLC right now, and guess what? They took a "refresher" Bradley class for their 18th baby! Amazing.
I am now totally envious of the teaching space the teacher uses--it looks like an office, and has great Birth Atlas pictures adorning the walls. Oh, if I had a designated teaching space, I would have cervixes and uteruses (have no idea if that is the corecct plural usage) all over the walls...well, pictures of them, anyway.

The Bradley teacher is even talking about the antibiotic benefit of semen (intravaginally only, as far as I know)...and the prostaglandins. Yes! On national TV. Thank you.

Oh no. Baby is transverse; no surprise with her contraction pattern (3, 5, 7 & 10 mins part--sporadically) You know what that mean? Cesarean. 3 cesareans out of 18 births. Is that about a 16% cesarean rate?

Oy, when she's post-op, she is so shaky; post-surgery is no fun, for sure. They decided on the name Jordyn-Grace Makiya.

Gosh, I wonder if they'll have anymore kids. She's 42 now.
I guess we'll see, but I figure they can't be all that crazy if they take Bradley classes.
And yea for some Bradley publicity!

It was a jolly hollyday

2008-12-26T15:52:00.000-08:00

I love Christmas....
every other year.
Even numbered years are always weird for us at Christmastime because we only get the older two girls on odd numbered years.

This year, being an even numbered year, we were supposed to only have Maya on Christmas day. Paige ended up staying with us Christmas eve and Christmas day because her dad was in eastern WA with his parents, and the pass was a mess. She didn't feel comfortable driving over the pass in such poor conditions, and I don't blame her. Normally we would get Brittani the day after Christmas, but we actually got to pick her up at like 11am on Christmas day.

We stayed Christmas eve at my mom and dad's, like we always do. It was, as always, wonderful. We had the usual: prime rib, twice baked potatoes, veggies, salad, rolls... it's so yummy. We rocked hard at Rockband 2. Can I tell you, I think my brother, my sister and I missed our Partridge Family calling. We so rock hard. We could easily add Wayne to the mix, but there's only one guitar. He fills in, as does my mom. I guess they can take up the slack when we have to take potty breaks.

Maya, Sofia and Ben (my niece and nephew) were so excited, of course. My sister said Sofia and Maya woke her up at 2am to see if it was time to open gifts yet. Ha! They never went back to sleep. We all woke up at 6am; I can only imagine how long those 4 hours were for the girls. Torture.

Wayne and I really tried to keep Christmas low-key this year. We had less money to spend, and we cut out a few people we would normally buy gifts for. It sucked to have to do that, but I think a lot of people were having to tighten the purse strings this year. When we were shopping this year, I overheard more than a few people say that they had little or no money for the holidays this year. I am grateful that we were still able to provide our kids with a memorable holiday, even if it wasn't a holiday with endless gift-giving.

Maya's big gift this year was a Nintendo DS. She got several games to go with it. She also got a Barbie, and I told Wayne that I guess that may be the last Barbie we buy for her. She'll be 9 in October, and I think by next birthday and Christmas, she may be done with her Barbie phase. It makes me kind of sad, but also, I am ready to be RID of Barbies.

Maya left, Sofia right.

Paige's big gift was a pair of black paisley Uggs. They are too small, though, so I have to exchange them. I got them through www.zappos.com, so I need to send them back. Sending back is so much more difficult than just running it back to a store.

Brittani was the fun one to shop for this year. She has a goal of opening her own cookie shop one day, so we bought her a bunch of tools and accessories for baking. My favorite was the apron I bought for her on Etsy. Etsy is my new favorite place to window shop online.

You can find really cute aprons at the Boojiboo shop at Etsy. We put all of Brittani's cookie stuff in the footlocker-looking thing, and Wayne decorated it himself. he's very crafty, my husband. In fact, his dream right now is to own a Cricut. With a Cricut, oh the ways he could have decorated the footlocker...

One of my favorite gifts was a new camera strap that my mom and dad gave me:

Isn't it so cool?
They got it from www.myfunkycamera.com, which is where I got my last camera strap. The woman who makes the straps has improved them so much since I last bought one; she has:

lengthened the strap
lined the piece that is in direct contact with the neck with a microfiber fleece or something like that. It is so soft. I can wear the camera for hours now without my neck getting irritated or my neck hairs getting all knotted. Very nice.
She has included a quick release option for an additional $5. Nice. Now I can get several different camera straps and change them quickly and easily.

I didn't actually get the quick release yet, but I will soon. Her store will open again on Dec. 29th, and I'm hoping she has some new and cute inventory.

Oh, but the day was not without drama. Paige has been very difficult lately; she is really difficult to live with. But I think that may be another post for another day. When I'm less angry. Though I have to admit that right now I'm just worried. She is working at Snoqualmie Summit this year, and while she was working tonight, chains became required on the pass. She wanted me to come get her, but I don't have chains either (and even if I had, I wouldn't have gone to get her, honestly). Who knows if we can even find chains now after this run of snow. Anyway, she headed to her grandparents' house, which is in Mattawa (E. Wa). That was easily two hours ago, and I haven't heard from her. I did call her dad and let him know to have her call me because she was really angry with me, and I have a feeling she won't call just to spite me. That's the way shes been lately. Hostile would be a very accurate description.

It really sucks.

snow

2008-12-18T13:02:00.000-08:00

We are on day 2 of no school due to snow.
This week is an essential Get Shit Done week for me, and I haven't been able to do anything, really. I was able to go out on Tuesday and get some stuff done, and thank god we decided to do the girls' Santa picture that evening.
I still have a bunch of shopping to do, and I have no idea when I will be able to get it done.
I am crossing fingers and toes that there will be school tomorrow.

If there is school tomorrow, we'll have girl scouts right afterward, and Maya will be leaving early to attend a friend's winter recital. She goes every year to his winter and spring recital (he plays the violin), and they dress to the nines, which is funny because they are only 8. It's her fun night out. And she gets treated to ice cream. Bonus!

I have a cookie exchange tomorrow, and I am stressed out. Luckily I only have to make 7 dozen cookies instead of the original 13 dozen (Yikes!). If you need some performance anxiety in your life, participate in a cookie exchange. What if the cookie I make is the one sucky cookie that no one likes? What if it's UGLY? I have a vision in my mind's eye of how I want the cookies to look-- normally I just dust them with powdered sugar, but this time I am melting white and dark chocolate to drizzle over the top for a more artistic effect. However, I am not artistic, so we'll see how this works out for me.

Wayne had to go to 2 stores to get my main ingredient-- candy cane kisses. Apparently candy cane kisses are all the rage this holiday season.

And then...how do I present the cookies? Box? Plate? Do I have to make it pretty and decorative? Can I just put them on a regular old plate?

Because I have a feeling that this isn't just a Cookie Exchange; I fear that this is really one of those suburban mom competitions that I don't know exist until I am in the throes of it. Then it's too late. My lameness is obvious to everyone.

I did find this site, which I will be reading over quite thoroughly today.

Xmas shopping...notsomuch

2008-12-10T18:12:00.000-08:00

We haven't really begun our Christmas shopping. It's beginning to stress me out. I did purchase two items online; one has already arrived, and one shipped today. But that is all the shopping I've done.

I have my eye on another item at this Etsy store:
Boojiboo

Ohmygosh, if those aren't the coolest aprons ever! I'm for sure putting one on my Christmas list; my current apron, which I use the heck out of, is just plain old boring red.

And look:
MommyDaddyBlog.com is giving away a Boojiboo Apron & Pillsbury Savoring the Moment Gift Bag as part of their Three Gs For The Holidays event! Click on over right now to get in on fun giveaways, get shopping ideas from their Gift Guide, and learn how you can help children in need this holiday season!

Consider this my contest entry :-)

Mormon sex ed

2008-12-04T09:09:00.000-08:00

Should Mormon men teach sex ed to 12th graders in public school?

That has been the question I have been asking myself this week.

Paige is in senior health this year, and her teacher is a Mormon who teaches abstinence only--or predominantly--sex ed. To seniors. 17 and 18 years-old young adults who are coming up on 18 and 19 years of age. He's preaching abstinence to young adults who may be sexually active or have been sexually active.

It annoys me.

I asked Paige if he has mentioned safer sex. Yes, but really, the best choice is abstinence. What about Plan B, the morning after pill? Nope. He did mention, however, that 90% of women who have abortions are tormented by that decision for the rest of their lives, so of course adoption is the best choice.

I understand that his faith my be at odds with the facts of sexual reproduction and women's health in particular, so I question whether he should even be teaching the sex ed portion of health class. If he is going teach sex ed in a public high school, his teachings should be evidence based and not faith based.

I think that he doesn't realize that the students in his class find him to be ridiculous (though I am sure there are some who agree with him 100%) and when he shoves his faith based opinions down their throats, they stop listening to anything he has to say. He loses credibility.

These students are in their last year of high school, and the adult teaching sex to them still can't be real with them? Yes, it is true that abstinence is the one way to truly prevent an unwanted or unexpected pregnancy and STD/STI, but is abstinence a reality for the age range he is teaching? Probably not. They want to have sex. They will have sex. How can they have sex safely, and what can they do if they have a pregnancy scare or if they actually do become pregnant? What if they contract a STD/STI?

I so wish I could teach that class.

Some other teens...
What to Expect When You're Aborting
Pregnancy Options Workbook

cozy

2008-11-24T09:50:00.000-08:00

I got the new issue of Vanity Fair in the mail the other day, and as I was flipping through the pages, I came across something that surprised me:

SNL guys looking kinda hot. Yes, even Fred Armisen and Will Forte.
And Jason Sudeikis? Wow. Even Paige thought he looked really good, and to her, he's an old guy (he's 33). Seth Meyers is always adorable, and I love his hat.

I am so buying Wayne a sweater from Gap for Christmas.

blindsided

2008-11-19T12:46:00.000-08:00

I volunteer every Wednesday in Maya's class for 1 1/2 hours during their literacy block. Today her teacher asked me to read a book aloud to four of the kids. They were on the final two chapters of a book called Stone Fox. Stone Fox is a Native American man who has won the same dog sled race every year that he has entered. The story is told in third person with Little Willy as the main character; he is 10 years old and has a beloved dog named Searchlight.

[Spoilers ahead, for those of you who haven't read this book]

When I began the last two chapters, Willy and Searchlight are racing in the annual dog sled race that Stone Fox always wins, and they are ahead of everyone. There is some business with Willy's grandpa getting out of bed to watch the race, so I inferred that the grandpa must be ill, which is why Willy is racing so hard.

Oy.

Let me tell you: the teacher could have warned me how this books ends. I started to have one of the kids read, and as she was reading, I saw she was actually reading about Searchlight's sudden and unexpected death! I stopped her, so I could read it because I thought, how lovely...have the kid read about the dog dying.

So here I am, 37 years old, reading aloud to 1st and 2nd graders, trying not to cry as Little Willy holds his dog, who has collapsed from an exploding heart. Stone Fox ends up not being so stone afterall, as he does a very noble act to allow Little Willy and Searchlight to win the race. I was all wavery voiced, as we finished. One little girl was wiping tears from her eyes. It was so SAD! I only read two chapters; I can't imagine what it is like to read the whole book only to have the damn dog drop dead mere feet from the finish line.

It was a good book, though, from what I read; I kow Maya loved the book when her group was reading it.

I love sad books, though. Two of my favorite sad children's novels are:

I remember reading Where The Red Fern Grows to Brittani and Paige when they were about 8 & 10, and I was bawling and snotting all over the place, as we got to the end. It is such a beautifully sad book.

Bridge to Terabithia is extremely sad, too, because it deals with the sudden and unexpected death of a best friend, and we get to see the boy in the story go through the stages of grief. Heartwrenching.

I've read both books to Maya...with a big box of Kleenex at my side. She cried at the end of Bridge to Terabithia, but I think she was a little young to get what happened in Where the Red Fern Grows. She was 4 or 5 at the time. Maybe I'll read it to her again.

lately

2008-11-06T09:31:00.000-08:00

Facebook has sucked me in.

Obama's election has me thrilled beyond belief. We had an Election Night party, which went well. I have pictures, but my computer has no room for more pictures. I need to dump my pictures onto my external hard drive before I put more on my computer. Such a hassle.

I am blown away at the hatred that is spewed about Obama; I hope that it dies down now that he has been elected so overwhelmingly. Even Elisabeth Hasslebeck was gracious when speaking of his win.

So much has happened since I've been so infrequently posting.

Maya had her 8th birthday party. She is now the same age Brittani was when Maya was born. It's so odd.

She actually turned 8 a few weeks prior, but we are slacker parents and procrastinated planning her party. It all worked out, though. Here are some pictures of Maya on her actual birthday.

This is what 8 looks like.

I made ice cream cone cupcakes for her class. She has another classmate who has the same birthday, so his mom brought in ice cream cups. Next year, since we know who our teacher and classmates will be, we know that there will be three kids in Maya's class who share the same birthday, so we three moms think we will do a "make your own sundae" bar. It should be fun.

She got a new bike!! Finally!!

So, about 6 days after Maya's birthday party, we had some Paige Drama. Paige is always so the drama.

We're in a really weird place with her right now...not so weird because I am sure MANY 18 year olds go through it with their parents, but it just isn't the same. She's asserting her status as "adult," though that status is really only for leaglpurposes. Aside from chronological age, she is not very adult or independent right now. She is no more independent than she was when she was 14, as far as I'm concerned. No job. No money. No responsibilities. No chores. Nothing.

So it's annoying when a kid is disrespectful and acts as though she is put out, mistreated and unloved, when that is obviously so not true.

Without going into details, Paige decided to not go to Wayne's birthday dinner and the pumpkin patch beforehand, and it turned into a HUGE blowout, and she left to party for the weekend with no parents breathing down her neck. So apparently we are in this place where Paige wants to live "independently" while being completely supported by her parents. Ha. Isn't that funny?

You know how when you were a teenager, you thought to yourself, "I am never going to say that/do that when I have kids..." well, I am convinced that since all kids do the same stupid things, parents always end up saying the same stupid things. It doesn't change. What I am trying to say is that I now find myself saying things I swore I'd NEVER say. Like: "If you live under OUR roof, there will be certain expectations of you..."

She was back after the weekend was over. Of course.

I am fairly certain that to everyone she spoke to, she portrayed herself as the victim and not as the instigator. I don't understand how we can love someone so much and so unconditionally, and she can be so hateful towards us. It is exhausting and hurtful. I can't wait until she's beyond the "I hate my parents; they're f'ing idiots" phase of her life.

Yesterday Wayne and I celebrated our anniversary. 4 years ago we married in New Orleans. It was such a blast. We've been together for 12 years now, and it really just feels like a blip in time.

Wayne always goes all out for our anniversary; usually we stay in a cabin for the weekend and have a day at the spa, but this year money is tight, so no cabin and spa for us. Instead, Wayne created a spa in our bedroom. It was so cool! He cranked on the space heater to make it nice and warm in the room, heated some stones, had some nice massage oil and even spread rosepetals on the sheets, so I got a heated stone massage! It was lovely.

Last night we went to dinner:

I love The Melting Pot. And Wayne, too.
It was a great anniversary.

Saturday Maya has her first swim meet. I thought she would only swim the 25 yd freestyle, but nooooooo...they have her signed up for back AND breast, too!! Back is no problem, but BREAST???? I am so worried. And she has to dive off the platform. She has never done that before, so I don't know what's going to happen. It should be interesting.

cookies

2008-10-14T14:11:00.000-07:00

My favorite store bought cookies are...dead.

I went to the store yesterday, and the shelves that held Mother's Circus Animal Cookies looked like locusts had come through. There was not even a single bag left.

I called Wayne, and he stopped by another store on his way home and bought SIX bags of the Halloween Circus Animal Cookies, which aren't quite as good as the pink and white version, but it will do.

Today I checked eBay just for the heck of it, and there are a lot of Mother's Circus Animal Cookies listed.
Check it out.

There's a bag of the Halloween cookies going for $20/bag. I think we might sell our unopened 5 bags on eBay and make some money!! The profits could pay for a date night!

It makes me, sad, though that the pink and white cookies, which I always thought were so pretty, are going to be non-existent. There are cheap imitations, but they just aren't the same.

sew

2008-10-13T23:16:00.000-07:00

I have decided to sew Maya's Halloween costume this year, and thanks to Jo-Ann's Columbus Day sale and 50% off coupons, got all I need for much less than full price...still, sewing is spendy and no longer a way to save money. I could have bought the costume for half of what I spent on supplies to sew the dang thing.

But here's the pattern:

I'm making the red/blue one; the other one is more complicated, and I just don't want to deal with it. The material Maya chose is gorgeous. I want a skirt made out of it; I'll post pictures soon.

I cut out the pattern tonight; tomorrow I plan to pin. I'll cut tomorrow evening, and I bet I can sew on Thursday (Wednesday is insane).

Damn. I feel so domestic.

the last dance (almost)

2008-10-12T21:40:00.000-07:00

Last night was Paige's homecoming...Senior Edition.

It was a fairly frugal dance:
Dress: borrowed from a friend $0
Shoes: $100
Hair: $30
Makeup/lashes: $20
Cash for pictures: $60
Boutonniere: TBD

Total: $210

She hated her hair, but I thought it looked cute. She wanted it to look like this:

And it didn't.
But she still looked lovely:

Tyler & Paige

Paige & Maddi

Paige actually did really well this time. She didn't stress, and she wasn't mean to me; it was a nice change. The last dance I fronted money for was Homecoming 2006...Sophomore Edition; she was awful. Severe emphasis on AWFUL. She gets mean, condescending, snippy, disrespectful and at times cruel. It makes me really want to kick her hiney.

After that homecoming, I told her...never again. I'm not paying money for you to treat me like shit, but it is her senior year, and she tried to be very frugal. I think it also helped that her date was a guy that she is very familiar and comfortable with. He seems like a nice enough guy.

Next up is Senior Ball, and I hope she'll have a job by then to help pay for part of it because that can be a really pricey event.

I also had a candle party last night, and I felt like it was a success. My main goal was just to cook some nice Autumnal foods and be with women whose company I enjoy; the candles are nice to have lit through the rooms, and I really need some seasonal candles. I know other people do, too, which is why I even had the candle party in play.

I made some great food, and it was all from scratch, baby:

Squash soup
Bread (that was store-bought)
Spinach, gorgonzola, apple, sugared pecan salad (I call it my Bradley salad because a Bradley grandma gave me the recipe)
Pumpkin bread
Carmel (caramel?) apple cheesecake
Pomegranate martinis

The food was great. I think that next time I make that cheesecake, I will cut the cake into individual slices, and top each slice with the caramel and apples. The warm apples and caramel really made the cheesecake get super soft.

I wish I had taken a picture because it was my very first cheesecake, and I was very proud of how it turned out.

We plan to have an Election Night party (Go Obama!!), and I think I'll make a red, white and blue cheesecake for the evening.

The cheesecake was a very different flavor and texture, but it was good. And no crack in the top! Yea! It looks complicated, but it was super easy to make.

Here's the recipe, via Bobby Flay on Food Network:

Caramel Apple Cheescake
8 servings

8 whole graham crackers
1 cup lightly toasted walnuts, divided
2 tablespoons light brown sugar
5 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted
1/2 cup plus 2 tablespoons granulated sugar, divided
1 tablespoon orange zest
3 (8-ounce) packages cream cheese, at room temperature (recommended: Philadelphia)
1/2 cup plus 2 tablespoons packed light muscovado sugar (I used brown sugar)
4 large eggs, at room temperature
1 large vanilla bean, seeds scraped
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup heavy cream

1 recipe Apple Mixture, recipe follows
1 recipe Apple Caramel Sauce, recipe follows

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

Place the graham crackers, 1/2 cup of the walnuts and brown sugar in a food processor and process until finely ground. With the motor running, add the butter through the feed tube and process until the mixture just comes together. Spray the bottom and side of the pan with cooking spray. Pat the mixture evenly into the bottom of a 9-inch springform pan, place on a baking sheet and bake in the oven until lightly golden brown and just set, about 8 minutes. Remove to a baking rack and let cool completely.

Combine 1/4 cup of the sugar and the orange zest in a food processor and process until combined.

Place the cream cheese in the bowl of a stand fixer fitted with the paddle attachment and beat until light and fluffy, 3 to 4 minutes. Add the orange sugar, remaining granulated sugar, and light muscovado sugar and beat again until the sugar is incorporated and the mixture is light and fluffy. Add the eggs, 1 at a time and mix until just incorporated, scraping the sides and bottom of the bowl. Add the vanilla seeds and vanilla extract and beat until combined. Add the salt and heavy cream and mix until just combined.

Scrape the mixture into the prepared pan. Set the cheesecake pan on a large piece of heavy duty aluminum foil and fold up the sides around it. Place the cake pan in a large roasting pan. Pour hot tap water into the roasting pan until the water is about halfway up the sides of the cheesecake pan; the foil will keep the water from seeping into the cheesecake. Bake until the sides of the cake are slightly puffed and set and the center still jiggles, about 55 minutes.

Turn the heat off and prop the door open with a wooden spoon and allow the cake to cook in the water bath for 1 hour. Remove the cake to a baking rack and allow to cool to room temperature for 2 hours. Cover the cake and refrigerate for at least 4 hours and up to 24 hours until chilled through.

Top with the warm apple topping, drizzle liberally with the caramel sauce and sprinkle with the remaining toasted walnuts. Serve additional sauce on the side.

Apple Mixture:

2 cups apple juice
1/4 cup granulated sugar
1 vanilla bean, reserved from the cheesecake mixture
1 tablespoon cold butter
3 Granny Smith apples, peeled, seeded and thinly sliced
3 Fuji apples, peeled, seeded and thinly sliced
1/4 cup apple brandy (recommended: Calvados) I used cheap Apple Jack brandy because Calvados was $50 for a bottle.

Bring apple juice, sugar and vanilla bean to a boil in a large saute pan over high heat and cook until slightly thickened and reduced to 1/2 cup. Stir in the butter until melted. Add the apples and cook, stirring occasionally, until lightly caramelized and soft. Add the apple brandy and cook until reduced by 1/2. Transfer the apples to a plate and let cool slightly.

Apple-Caramel Sauce:

1 1/2 cups granulated sugar
1/4 cup water
3/4 cup heavy cream
Pinch salt
3 tablespoons apple brandy (recommended: Calvados)
1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

Place sugar and water in a medium saucepan and bring to a boil over high heat (do not stir), swirling the pot occasionally to even out the color, until amber in color, 10 to 12 minutes.

While the caramel is cooking. Place the heavy cream in a small pan and bring to a simmer over medium heat. Remove from heat and keep warm.

When the caramel has reached the desired color, slowly whisk in the heavy cream and salt and whisk until smooth. Remove from the heat and stir in the apple brandy and vanilla extract. Keep warm.

so it's been awhile...

2008-10-05T10:10:00.000-07:00

God, life is crazy right now. Actually, I expect it to mellow out a bit now that we're comfortably into the school year. I don't have a class in session right now, but I hope to have one Oct 20th. None of the teachers around here are getting very many inquiries. It's very odd. I had to cancel my September class, and I have never had to do that.

I've been talking and talking and talking about applying as a substitute paraeducator with the school district, and I finally finished my cover letter and resume last week. I was waiting for my transcripts from TCC to complete my resume, and guess what?

I only need a 100 level math and a natural science (with lab) class to get my Associate's degree.

Two measley classes.

I am thinking about taking chemistry online, and then that leaves math. Good ol' math. I dropped my last math class twice and never did complete it, and that was math 99, I believe. I still didn't make it to 100 level math in 2 years. That is how bad I am with math.

So my conundrum is, do I bite the bullet and take those last two classes, or do I just stay this close to to finishing. Well, finishing that step anyway.

And then I found what I want to go on to afterwards:
This.

Someday.
I just paid off my piddly little student loan in August, and I really don't want to get another one going; however, with only about $1,000, I can be half-way towards a BA. A full quarter of classes at UW-Tacoma is $2, 244, which would end up being a $20,000 endeavor, if my poor math skills are at all accurate this time.

Oy.

bts

2008-09-03T10:52:00.000-07:00

Back to school...
Whoo-hoo!!

Paige is starting her senior year (!)
Brittani is a junior this year,
and Maya is now a big 2nd grader-- the big kid in her 1-2 multi-age classroom.

Wayne and I went out for coffee after we took Maya to school, and we were talking about how in just two more years, only Maya will be heading off to school in early September. Paige and Brittani will hopefully be in college, so they would begin in late September.

Weird.

Okay, now on to the big stuff: the whole freaking Sarah Palin thing, which has been making me CRAZY since last week.

My initial reaction when Wayne awoke me with the news on Friday that McCain had made his choice: good for McCain for being bold enough to choose a woman as his VP. Then I was irritated as hell that the first female VP could be a woman whose political stance tends to be unfriendly towards women, children and families. Oy. Those crazy Hillary supporters will now go to McCain just because the VP has a vagina.

I won't sway from Obama-Biden because they support policies that I believe in. I am pro-choice, and I want that protected for generations to come; I want a national health care system that will provide care for ALL Americans regardless of income. Health care should be accessible for every one of us; we shouldn't be bankrupted due to medical bills that can amount into the hundreds of thousands of dollars; we shouldn't have to avoid getting care because we can't afford a $100+ doctor visit (see this episode of 20/20).

I feel like we could probably skedaddle out of Iraq sooner rather than later, and tons of money that could be allotted towards health care and education is being diverted to war funds. I'm really not an expert on governmental spending, but I am smart enough to know that war is costly in many ways.

The thing that has been driving me absolutely insane when I listen to liberals on the radio is that they are focusing on the wrong things when discussing Palin. They shouldn't worry about her lack of experience or be so sexist as to suggest (or outright state) that she cannot be a good mother and a good politician. They must not be able to hear what they sound like. It's sick. How long have women had to hear such things? Decades. Generations, even. But from liberal Democrats??? It is, quite simply, embarrassing. Do women need to wait until their children are grown before they can pursue positions in male-dominated careers? Do women need to choose which is more important: career or family, while men can have both. That doesn't sound like equal rights to me. That doesn't sound like a liberal perspective to me, either. Who are these people?

I have heard liberals on talk shows even say that Palin should not have birthed the most recent addition to the Palin family. Sick. As a woman who is pro-CHOICE, I support women who choose to birth and those who choose to abort, but I would never suggest that a woman should have aborted her child or that she should have kept a child that she aborted. I swear, some of these people are just so freaking flustered that McCain chose a woman, while Hillary is left hanging, that they will attack like mad dogs.

And of course, Monday a bomb was dropped: Sarah Palin's 17-year-old daughter, Bristol, is 5 months pregnant.
OMFG.
Sarah Palin is obviously an unfit mother who cannot even manage her family properly, so how do we entrust her to help run a country???
Please.
Teenagers get pregnant. Teenagers who live in places like Alaska get pregnant. I wonder what the teen pregnancy rate is in Alaska. There are certain places where there is nothing for teenagers to do but drink beer and have sex. I lived in a place like that when I was a teenager, and I imagine that Alaska is similar. Oh, I found a document, and Alaska and Washington have similar teen pregnancy rates, and they are pretty much in the middle for the nation. North Dakota with the lowest and DC has the highest, which kind of goes against my rural areas = more sex and beer theory. Oh well, I never claimed to have any idea of what I'm talking about.
Here's the link, btw.

My grandpa told me once that it was partly my parents responsibility that I was pregnant at age 18 (almost 19 and a high school graduate). What??? Um, my parents were nowhere near me when I conceived Paige. Ew. Granted, they never did have the "use condoms, oral contraception" talk with me, but I already knew about those things; I didn't value what they had to say at that point anyway. There comes a point in the teen years when a parent has no control over what's going on in the teenager's life. That's when you hope that you have instilled some good sense in the kid, but sometimes horniness wins out over good sense. I would have to say that 98% of the time horniness will win out over good sense, and then all that's left is the guilt afterwards. Well, sometimes there's pregnancy and/or disease afterwards, too.

Luckily, Bristol Palin has a ton of resources to help her with this whole having a baby thing. It really ain't no thang, her pregnancy. She will, most likely, turn out normal...as will her kid.

One thing that irritated me today when watching Good Morning America: they showed a picture of Bristol Palin wearing a basketball jersey that said JUNEAU across the front (like a high school photo--not a current photo). How annoying.

I hope the media begins to steer away from thrashing on Sarah Palin for being a woman and instead focus on the issues that really matter.

Eighteen Freaking Years

2008-08-16T18:49:00.000-07:00

On August 17, 2008 at 3:15pm PDT, my eldest daughter, Paige Johanna, will be 18. Eighteen. Eighteen... She will be embarking on her 19th year of life. I don't know where the time has gone.

(October 2007)

Paige came into this world at 6lbs8ozs and 18 3/4 inches long. I nursed her, held her and absorbed her sweet baby smell; we slept in the same bed for almost 5 years, and she was always rubbing my ear. It was an unusual comforting technique. We grew a lot together, and she has become a remarkable young woman. I love her immensely, and I can't believe she's eighteen and a senior in high school.

So...
Happy Birthday, Paige.

It's starting...

2008-08-08T23:26:00.000-07:00

The school year, that is.

Actually, we don't start until September 3rd, but damn if that isn't coming up really quickly!

I have so much on my plate this year, and I'm already stressing out.

I am the class rep for Maya's 1st-2nd grade co-op class, and we have a new teacher who hasn't worked co-op before. She and I are kind of like the blind leading the blind at this point. As the class rep, I am her right hand woman, and I will help pretty much with every aspect of parent-classroom relations. Oy. The upside? I won't worry about meeting my minimum volunteer hour requirement.
A friend and I have decided to lead a Brownie troop this year. At our homes. We'll meet twice a month on Fridays after school. We will transport the kids from school to the meeting. Sus and I met yesterday to plan out our entire year or Girl Scout meetings, and I feel a sense of relief knowing that one task is done. If the dang service unit would get going on our paperwork and stuff, we could actually proceed further. We'd like to have our parent meeting the end of September, but who knows if all our ducks will be in a row by then.
I will still be teaching once a week, and I am considering teaching out of a local birth center. Other Bradley teachers and I are considering co-teaching at the facility, but I am also very interested in teaching somewhere other than my home. I'd also like to do more births.
Maya has begun swim team in a town nearby--about 15 miles from our home. It's 3 to 5 days a week, but we will start her at 5 days a week (the exception: GS weeks). I think her practice is at 5pm. Ugh. That is such a sucky time. We won't get home until 6:15-6:30. It takes a long time to travel 15 miles when one lives out here. We think we will have her stop ice skating until after the beginning of 2009; she loves it so much that I hate for her to have to miss it, but we need to see where this swim thing is going. We have our eyes on the 2016 Olympics, you know :-)
I will be getting a job. For sure. I haven't had to juggle job, kids and home since, oh, 1999? To say I'm stressed out at the idea is a major understatement. I'm hoping to work as a para at Maya's school, which would really be helpful considering I have to transport her to school because we are off the bus route. Plus we carpool with a friend, and I want to help make things easy for her.

I think that's all I have in my plate this year, though.

Luckily, Paige is licensed to drive, so I will probably have her help me get Maya to swim on Mondays since I teach that night, and Wayne often isn't home before my class begins. Class and swim conflict, so it will be up to Paige to get Maya to swim once a week. I'm sure I'll hear about it plenty.

Brittani will be licensed in January or February, so there's even more help. She drove for the first time today; Wayne said she did really well and that she seemed confient. She even drove across Meridian!

We have our trip to Disneyland in February, and once we get that out of the way, we'll plan a trip to Mexico, I think. Just me and Wayne. Iguess we'll go to South Carolina this next summer, though. Maybe in 2010 we can get to Mexico. Ugh.

What's Cooking Wednesday: Creamy Pesto Pasta con Pollo

2008-08-06T18:40:00.000-07:00

So, I'm cooking dinner last night, even though I really didn't want to. Well, Wayne and I cooked, I should say. I wanted a bento box from the Japanese place up the street, as did Wayne, but our super tight budget (gas is KILLING us) couldn't be fudged with even for one night of dinner out. Plus, it was 90 degrees outside. Who wants to cook when it's 90 degrees outside.

Thank god for a/c because then we can have pasta for dinner. No one without a/c would even consider hot pasta for dinner on a 90 degree day.

So as I'm cooking, I think, "I have been cooking this recipe for forever. It is the easiest dinner to make when you, say, just walked in the door from running your kid(s) around all day. I need to submit this recipe to What's Cooking Wednesday." I am a What's Cooking Wednesday Weirgin no more.

Creamy Pesto Pasta with Chicken
(I double this recipe for my family of 5 and will usually have one serving left over)

12 oz penne pasta
2 boneless chicken breast halves
4 tsp dried basil or 1/4 cup fresh chopped basil
2 cloves of minced garlic
2 T oil
1/2 of an 8oz pkg of cream cheese
1/2 cup lowfat cottage cheese
1/3 cup grated parmesan
1/3 cup dry wine ( I use white cooking wine)
1/4 cup snipped parsley
1/3 cup water

Boil pasta. Drain. Keep warm.
Cube and saute chicken in oil until cooked through. Remove from pan and set aside.
In the same skillet cook basil and garlic in drippings (or oil) for 1 minute on medium heat. Reduce heat. Add cream cheese, cottage cheese and parmesan cheese. Heat and stir until fairly smooth. Stir in wine, parsley and water. Cook, uncovered, for 3 minutes or until slightly thickened. Add cooked chicken. Serve over hot pasta.

When we eat this, we buy a bagged salad and some veggies to add to the salad and a loaf of garlic bread. The whole meal takes less than half an hour for prep and cooking.

ped egg mishap

2008-07-26T19:02:00.000-07:00

Really, it's not the Ped-Egg; it's me.
It was all my fault.

I was using my Ped-Egg yesterday to slough off some more of my oh-so-horrid heels, and I was making great progress. In fact, as I was making great progress, I thought, I need to measure the progress in tablespoons, or I need to photograph the great progress.

Anyway, my progress was too great, apparently, and now both of my heels hurt like hell. They hurt to walk on; they hurt to touch; they hurt when I put on my shoes and rode my bike today. It pretty much sucks.

That said, I will still use my Ped-Egg, but I will use it a bit more conservatively...once I heal.

Oh.
Even bigger news:
Brittani turned 16 today; she finally got her permit. We've been putting off having two licensed teen drivers in our family; we simply can't afford the premiums that come along with it. Our insurance just went down after a year of insane premiums. Ugh.

She is also being a very responsible young woman and is already applying for jobs. GASP I may have an employed teenager in my home before too long!!! I am so excited, and I know she will be soooo thrilled to have her own money to do play with.

Paige, on the other hand, will be 18 in three weeks and has shown no inclination towards being employed. I don't quite know how I can describe my intense frustration at this situation with any brevity. Any person who has talked to me in the past year has heard allll about it, though.

Hm...
dinnertime!!

summer feet

2008-07-21T22:41:00.000-07:00

I love flip-flops and bare feet in summer; unfortunately, my feet don't hold up as well as they did when I was a kid. Cracked heels, thickly calloused. They feel like sandpaper, and even twice monthly pedicures do little to keep the cracking skin at bay.

I have found my solution:
The Ped-Egg.

I know you've probably seen the commercial. It's an ergonomically designed cheese grater for the feet, and it works wonders.

I got it for $9.99 at Bed, Bath and Beyond (that place really does have everything). I probably could have bought a cheese grater, but I don't think cheese graters are ergonomically designed for grating feet.

Go, buy it...you won't regret it.

http://www.pedegg.com

shan jam

2008-07-19T23:08:00.000-07:00

Last week at the Farmer's Market I bought a half flat of the most intense strawberries; a lot of the berries ended up going bad because there just aren't enough of us here at the house right now. I decided that I needed to make jam, though, so off we went to the Farmers Market to get strawberries so I could make jam.

I've never made jam before, so hit the canning aisle at Winco and bought 12 jars/lids, pectin, a funnel and other jam making supplies (~$25).

When we go to the market today, guess what?

No more strawberries. I missed my window of opportunity.
A decision had to be made right then:
do I proceed making jam from a berry that I would prefer seeded? My options were blackberries or marionberries. I bought a full flat of marionberries ($24).

Marionberries mean seeds, though, which I didn't want in my jam. That meant I needed to buy a food mill ($30). I also needed to buy more sugar because jam-making requires a lot of sugar.

See my goodies below: (borrowed the canner fom my mom)

My mom came over and was my hand model. She has great hands.
Anyway, here is my mom grinding the washed berries in the brand spankin' new food mill.

It worked well. I had little confidence in its ability to deseed the berries, but it worked amazingly well.
You can see 5 3/4 c. of fruit in the background and 8 cups of sugar in the foreground.
Yum.

We didn't know whether to count the foam as "fruit" or not, but we decided it looked more fruity than foamy to us, so fruit it was.

We put it on to cook:

Here's some free advice:
when cooking jam, it's probably best to use a spoon that does not have a metal handle. Jam cooking gets really, really, really hot. Unfortunately, the longest spoon I own thatw on't be forever dyed red is a metal handled spoon.

The jam became the most beautiful reddish purple color as it cooked. So pretty.
Pour into jars:

Lid 'em and bathe 'em:

Steamy.

But damn, this was good shan jam!!

All in all it cost about $80 to jar 22 8 oz jars of jam, but I have grand plans for blueberry jam, raspberry jam and I may even do some pickling of green beans. I plan to get my money's worth from my supplies.

Wayne and my friend Stacy both joked that I sound like I've aged a few or four decades. Wayne said I really sounded old when I said I wanted to give jam away as Christmas gifts, but then I reminded him that we are on a very tight holiday budget this year. Yes, I guess I am old if I am thinking about Christmas in July. Ugh.

Anyway, jam making wasn't as difficult as I expected it to be. It was really fun, but it helped that my mom was here to keep me company. Solo jam cooking may not be quite as enjoyable, but I bet the reward is still just as sweet.

30 miles

2008-07-15T14:48:00.000-07:00

I have ridden 30 miles on my bike this week. I am amazed at myself, quite honestly, though 30 miles on a bike in a week really isn't that impressive. I should do more.

It started with a bike ride last Wednesday with the MOES group that has kept me entertained and socialized this past school year; we went on the Foothills Trail with our kids, so it was a very slow ride with many stops for water and food.

It was a lot of fun, though, and I told Wayne we should go there together sometime.

So Friday we loaded up our bikes, and off we went.

We took Maya, of course, and she was such a little trooper. Her bike is too small and since it's a kid's bike, it has no gears or anything fancy to, say, help her up hills. We tackled one little hill, and she did it without stopping. She was very proud of herself--and this was around 2.75 miles into our ride. We ended up riding 6 miles with her that day.

Sunday Wayne and I went back again (sans Maya) and rode 15 miles. I was seriously ready to die at about mile 5. Wayne left me in the dust, which was good because otherwise I wouldn't have kept going. I had to catch up with the twit :-)

By 7.5 miles, which is when we turned around and headed back, I was magenta in the face (I turn red from exertion); we were stopped in front of a smoothie stand, but neither of us had any money (!!!!), so back we went the way we came. Smoothieless. Such a bummer.

Did I mention it was about 87 degrees out during this excursion?

I went fairly slowly. I was passed by old people and small children several times.

But we (I) made it back alive, and I actually enjoyed it--once it was over. I told Wayne that I was really proud of myself because I pushed through the hard parts; I'm really bad at pushing through. Usually I hit a hard part, and I say, "Okay, enough!"

Then today I met a friend there again, and we rode about 5 miles. It was easier for me today than it has been any of the other days.

How cool are we?

Wayne and I plan to go back again tomorrow for another long ride; he wants to go like 20-something miles tomorrow, but I'm afraid I just don't have the endurance (stamina?) for that.

Ugh.

Foo Fighting

2008-07-10T11:17:00.000-07:00

Wayne and I went to see Foo Fighters in concert at Key Arena last night; we saw them back in 2005 for their In Your Honor tour, and that was an amazing show. It was my first big arena show, and Dave and crew did not disappoint at all. We were in total nose bleed seats, and it was still the best concert. This tour is in support of their new CD Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace. Isn't that a great title?

Wayne is by far the bigger Foo fan; I really like them, but I don't listen to the CDs over and over again in the car and on my iPod. In fact, I thought I might have missed this concert due to a birth, but the baby was born 10 days early (EDD was 7/7). Nice. I'm so gald that I didn't have to miss the concert or the birth.

So we got the tickets the day they went on sale, and we chose "Best Available," which gave us seats directly across the arena from the stage, which didn't seem like very good seats to either of us. I told Wayne to buy tickets in what looked like the best section and we'd sell the "Best Available" tickets. Well, Wayne didn't want to do that, so we kept the tickets we were initially issued.

Wow.

They were the best tickets.

There was the mainstage, which did seem far away, but we had such a great view of it. I'm getting old and greatly myopic, so I can't see much anyway unless it's in my face. There was a catwalk from the mainstage towards our part of the arena as well with a big circular thing at the end. It looked like a trampoline to me, and I had visions of Dave bouncing on it while playing his guitar. That would have been fun.

But noooo...

Instead, a stage dropped from the ceiling onto the trampoline thing and our friends Foo performed an acoustic set right in front of us. We could have spit on Dave and hit him square on the face. It was amazing. They were so close.

It was awesome because we missed their acoustic show at the Paramount when they were touring for Skin and Bones; this was up close and personal and acoustic, so it was a good substitute for that missed show (I tell myself). And Pat Smear was there. I thought I saw him earlier on the mainstage, but I may have been wrong because I didn't see him on the mainstage after the small stage acoustic set.

The girl next to me was getting some sweet pictures and video with her camera (I so should have brought my camera!!). My phone camera sucks, so I'm not going to bother posting the crappy pictures I took or the even crappier video. I'm going to check youtube later today to see if some good video gets uploaded, and then I'll embed here.

They totally topped the last show, though. And the people around us actually stood up and moved to the music. Cant wait for the next show...

Here's some video though until I find better stuff:
Start of the show:

Dave is funny:

And they did, too. They played from about 8:45-11:20. The encore was 5 songs. I don't know how they play so hard for so long for so many nights in a row. No wonder he weighs about 120lbs.

Found a video of the small stage:

and when they raised the house lights, it was way cool.

This was the end of the small stage set...Dave started there and ended back on the main. Where they rocked hard.

Hopefully more people post some good video soon.
[Edited to add some videos]