write it down and remember

My grandma, whom I have adored since I decided to grace the earth with my presence, is currently under the care of hospice.  If you're not familiar, hospice is end-of-life care for people who are estimated to only have 6 months (or less) before end of life.  Hospice is about death with dignity.  Death with less pain.  Hospice is a good thing at a bad time.

I have been going to my grandparents' house almost daily to help out with household chores, to bathe my grandma, or wash her hair, help her get dressed or just to visit with her.

Today was nice because all I did was chat with her.  She can't speak, really, so she writes everything down.  She tries to talk, and some days are better than others when it comes to clarity of speech.

It hit me, this day, that my grandma is at the end of life and will take with her volumes of information about my family that only she knows, remembers or experienced.  She wrote some replies to some questions that came up today, and when she went to throw the paper away, I took the sheet of paper from her, folded it and put it in my pocket.  As soon as I got home I made notations on the paper to put into context "47" "Wisconsin" "W.P.B. Fla"--among other things.

We brought out the family bible, the enormous tome that it is (the word of God is heavy, I told her).  It's amazing the papers that people shove into their family bible--not to mention the important births, deaths, marriages that are noted within.  I added my marriage to Wayne, which she hadn't added yet.  She's also missing the births of three of her great-grandchildren (Maya, Ben & Blake).  Wayne and I don't have a family bible (my parents do!) to keep those important family records.  I need to think of a way to keep track of our family history past and as we make it in the future.  A bible will never do in this household.

My grandma showed me some journaling she did 3 weeks ago (she claims; her recognition of time is sketchy right now).  The penmanship on the page was lovely, as her handwriting always has been, which leads me to believe that it was written way before 3 weeks ago.  Her penmanship now is difficult to read sometimes; her brain tumors really impact her ability to write as well as to speak.  Communication is a challenge and a frustration.  This bit of journaling that she completed was only a short page of brief recollections of her daily life during her childhood, but her writing...it was so descriptive and fun; it made me sad that she hadn't written more.  She ended her memories on that page mid-sentence.  Abruptly.

I hope she has more journals somewhere, but she told me she doesn't.

ah

Thank god the sun is shining.  Crocus are blooming, and the bulbs that my Girl Scout troop planted outside their meeting space are poking up out of the cold earth to seek some warmth.  Spring is coming!  Yea!

This winter has to have been my best winter is years.  We've had no snow days, which means that school is out on-schedule this year.  I haven't felt that foggy blah feeling that I get many winters; I attribute my improved mood to exercise and nutrition.  I had my annual exam (that I only get about every 5 years), and I passed with flying colors.  Pap was clear--yea!  I hope my days of abnormal pap results is in my past forever.  All my bloodwork was stellar.  I feel healthy inside and out.  Whoot!  The best part of my exam was when the dr asked me if I exercise, and before I could answer, she said, "I will put "yes".  You look very fit."  Fit!  Me!  No one in my entire life has called me fit; it was exciting.

I was telling Wayne this morning that--unless something drastic happens-- this is the first spring-summer that I'm not dreading pulling out my warmer-weather clothes; however, none of my clothes fit now. Yesterday I tried to put on my favorite brown linen pants, which are perfect for the weather we've been having lately, but they are simply ginormous.  I wonder if I can alter them. I hate to have to give them up. 

Next month...in about 3 weeks, actually...I will be celebrating my 39th birthday.  Thirty-NINE. Good lord, how did I get to this age.  Seriously.  I plan to go to Masa in Tacoma for some serious Latin dancing.   And mojitos.  Lots of mojitos.  We'll do a family dinner there with the kids and some friends, and then the kids will take Maya home, and the party shall begin.  I. Can't. Wait.  

And then it's the downward spiral to 40.

deposition

My (adult) child was served with a summons about two weeks ago.
A law office representing the school district has been trying to reach her for months because she is a witness to an event they are being sued over, but she has been ignoring their calls.  I guess there's no ignoring a summons.

I took her in today, and she did her thing (I waited in a waiting area).  Half an hour later, the attorneys for the district (defendant) and the plaintiff  said their good-byes to us, and we were on our way.

The trial is scheduled for March 22, 2010, but Paige isn't yet sure if she'll have to actually testify.

http://www.splc.org/report_detail.asp?id=1446&edition=46

resolve

I didn't make any New year's resolutions this year.  I gave up that practice years ago when I realized that all I do is set myself up for diappointment when I make resolutions.  It sucks to be disappointed in yourself. 

That said, I want to try to get back to blogging about my mundane life and such a little bit more since I haven't even peeked at my blogger dashboard in months.  It can get tedious, y'all. 

Life recap in a quick minute:

• Paige is no longer going to comminuty college.  Well, not winter quarter, anyway.  Hopefully she'll be back in the spring.  She's currently working at a local ski area in the retail shop.  She's been working a lot of hours, but she should be back to her regular 4-day work-week now that the holidays are over. 
• Brittani is still trucking along in her senior year of high school.  Her portfolio is coming along well, and she is way more on top of it than Paige was last year.  YeA!  She submitted her application to WSU in December, so we're excited to hear back about that.  She has a new boyfriend, but she always seems to have a boyfriend.  This one actually seems nice and sane, which is a change.  She attracts the crazies, you know.  
• Maya is Maya.  Swim team. The Y.  Girl Scouts.  She's 9 and in 3rd grade....there isn't much more to say.  She seems to be rebounding academically from her crappy year last year.  It's amazing how a good teacher can lift a kid and how a bad teacher can really cause a kid to lose skills that were once present.  Luckily she has a very adept teacher this year, and she should have the same teacher next year, too. 
  
• Wayne and I are still making the most of our Y membership.  We go to spin classes 3-5 days a week at 5:30am, and we also try to go at least twice a week for strength training (both of us) and Zumba (me) in the evenings.  I'm not losing anymore weight, even though I want to.  I don't know what to do.  Eat more?  Eat less?  Move more?  Move differently?  I would love to do a few sessions with a trainer...maybe for my birthday.  Currently I am at 125, and I would like to get down another 8-10lbs; at this point, it feels impossible.  
•  I finalized my hiring with teh school district, so I am now--officially--employed for the first time since, oh, 1998?  Now I just need to work :-)  I'm a substitute paraeductaor, and I haven't got a call all week--until last night, and I ignored it.  Sigh.  I guess that was another resolution: quit ignoring the school district's work calls.  I need to work on that one, apparently.  
• We're gearing up for Disneyland in celebration of Brittani's graduation.  We are going in late April this time, so hopefully it won't rain on us the entire time like last year, when we went in February.  We will only be going to Disneyland, so we won't rent a car, which should save on costs in gas and car rental fees.  Last year we went to San Diego from Anaheim on two different days and we spent another day in LA at Universal Studios.  Great fun, all of it, but we need to simplify this year.  We're excited but slightly stressed about how we're going to pay for this vacation.
• In addition to Disneyland, we have our Big Trip to Mexico next January, which we are already trying to prepare for.  We hope to go to Cozumel.  Or is it Cancun?  Somewhere over there anyway.  We are looking into all-inclusives because it's easier that way.  I think we may have found one or two we like, so now it's just a matter of paying for it.  And that will probably be our last vacation for years and years. 

And that my friend(s), is life, as I know, it in a nutshell.  

meh

The kids are all in school, and it's lovely.

Paige started community college last week, and so far, it's okay.  She put off getting me the info on her books, so she has no books yet; they should be here Friday.
We ordered her books through www.abebooks.com, which had the best prices, by far, on the textbooks she needed.  I was so, so happy because her math book was $180 at the bookstore but was only $90 through www.abebooks.com.  Their prices beat all the other sites I checked out.

I started a new class series last week, and I now have two couples.  I thought I was going to have three couples, which would have been fantastic, but I am pleased with two couples.  I think I have a good read on most people, and I can tell, usually right away, whether my class and I are going to jive, and this class--they rock.  I love their energy and their inquisitiveness.  I have a good feeling.  Plus, I am supposed to have two couples returning for refresher classes during this series as well, which should provide some good energy. 

I'm continuing to lose weight; I think I've hit a point where it's very noticeable because I get comments almost daily from people about my weight.  It feels good to hear, but it's also awkward.  How does one respond to compliments on one's weight loss?  I weighed in at 130.4 this morning, so I am about to lose a point.  I'm doing Weight Watcher's point plan, so I get 20 points a day right now; once I get into the 120s, I'll only get 19 points.  That should happen next week (I weigh in on Wednesdays).

I'm not yet committed to my weight loss, so I won't buy new clothes.  I'm cheap like that.  Everything I own is big on me: shirts, pants, bras, underwear... it's rather unflattering, but I have to admit that there is something comforting in wearing baggy clothes.  

Wayne and I went to Pearl Jam last weekend, and it was, quite simply, the most amazing concert.  I am ready to go to PJ every time they come to town.  My next concert is U2 and The Black Eyed Peas in Vancouver, BC.  I had to get a passport, which I've never had before, in order to get across the border.  Because my parents like to complicate things, I ended up having to send in extra documentation to prove that I am me.  Fortunately the 15 documents and 2 affidavits I sent in were enough to prove that I am me, and my passport arrived about 10 days later.  Yea!  Now I can go to Paris!  But I'm not...I'm going to Canada, which shouldn't be as exciting...but it is. 

My next international trip will be Mexico in January 2011, so this weight loss thing, it has to be maintained for awhile.

try tri

Last night after we got home from doing some strength training at the Y, I did something I haven't done since, I swear, high school, when Friday's PE class was a day of forced running. 
Yes, I ran.
Me. Running. Nothing chasing me. 
It's bizarre, I know.  I didn't run far, but I ran continuously; I'm going to check my distance today...the route was around a small part of my neighborhood. I even ran up a little hill.  It was amazing. 

And it was raining. I was running in the rain, and it felt pretty good. 

Why was I running, even though I was not being chased by a bear or a mad man? 

I am considering participating in a mini--or sprint--triathlon. .5 mile swim; 11-ish mile bike and 3 mile run.  My biggest obstacle at this point is gear.  Do you know how much gear one needs for a triathlon?  And it's all expensive!  I have my eye on the Danskin Triathlon next year--an all woman triathlon.  There are other sprint triathlons in our area with similar distances (the bike distance seems to vary the most), but the Danskin Tri just seems like the right one.

The morning after I started to entertain the idea of doing the DT, we were at spin class at 5:30am, and this woman walks in--a bigger woman, definitely not your stereotypical triathlete physique--and she is wearing the DT shirt.  I don't remember ever seeing her at a previous spin class with us (we're one of "the regulars" now--our spin teacher calls us the Dynamic Duo...Ha).  It was a sign, I tell you!

So now I need to incorporate some running and swimming into my life.

Swimming.  I have never been a stroke swimmer.   Well, I would do a few sloppy strokes, stop and chat.  Play around. I've never been a stroke and lap swimmer, I guess.  32 laps in a 25yd pool is half a mile.  I have no idea when I'm going to try the swim portion.  I better get my butt in the water soon, though!  I need a suit, and some triathletes wear, like, wetsuits for the swim. The water in the lakes here in western Washington doesn't warm up too well usually.  A regular suit runs about $80, but a wetsuit...that's a lot more money. 

The bike...I know I can do 11 miles no problem--unless it is all vertical.  That could be a challenge. Hilly or flat, I need a new bike. Badly.  And bike shoes.  Easily $1000 for a bike and shoes.  In fact, that's a very low-end estimate. 

The run.  New shoes that are actually designed for running will cost around $100...maybe a bit more.

There are photos from the DT in Seattle here.  Women of all shapes and sizes.
I can do this.

finals

This is the final Friday of a lovely Summer Break. 
I have enjoyed the past several weeks, and I am sad that it is coming to an end; nonetheless, I am looking forward to shipping some kids off to school for 6+ hours a day. I expect this school year to be faaaarrrr better than last school year, which I think was a waste of 180 days of Maya's life.  Seriously.

And I don't have to endure having Paige in high school anymore.  The gods are good.

Brittani begins her senior year this year, and I expect her senior year to be faaaarrrr better than Paiges senior year.  Please, please, please, do not make me eat my words. 

If I told you that Paige's senior year left permanent scars on my psyche, would that sound crazy?  Because it did.  Dammit.  I need to let the anger goooooo... I stopped seeing that therapist, btw.  I think she is crazy. 

Anyway, that senior year is done, and we are on to a better year this year!

~~~~

So I've been busting my ass, getting up 4 days a week at 4:45am to go to spin at the Y, and we've begun lifting weights 3 times a week.  I've been paying every month to attend Weight Watchers meetings weekly since May.  I have lost 20+lbs, and I am now within a normal BMI.  I am no longer in the "overweight" category.  I am at the top end of normal for my height, but I'm there. I feel great...better than I have in years.  I feel even better than I did when I was on South Beach Diet because I can still eat what I want to eat--just less of it.  I do feel full faster now, too.  Just last night I had a slice of meat pizza and salad with strawberries, sliced almonds and feta tossed with olive oil and balsamic.  Totally full.  One slice of pizza.  I used to pack in three or four, I swear. Ick.  
But Pizza.  I ate pizza.  At least once a week I eat a slice of pizza, and I still lose weight.  Never on SBD could I do that.
Now I need to lose another 10-15lbs and keep it off until January of 2011...our long awaited trip to Mexico.  

cool nights

We came home from South Carolina couple weeks ago to quite the heat wave in western Washington. I am very thankful for our air conditioning on those rare times when the night doesn't cool down like it usually does.

Last night, I finally turned off the a/c and opened the windows up again. We're back to rain, gray skies and temps in the mid 60s, which is great for fall but is dismal weather for the last few weeks of summer vacation.

I love a cool breeze blowing across me at night when I sleep, so we usually sleep with our bedroom window open all year long--even in the dead of winter. It used to drive Wayne nuts, but he's used to it now. The most difficult part of sleeping with an open window is the noise.

Our neighborhood is your standard tract housing neighborhood in the suburbs--one of those that went up like mad in the late 90s and early 2000s (our home was built in 2003). My neighbor's back door is probably 50 feet from my back door, and each house is about 10 feet apart on the sides. We're scrunched in here, which is one reason why I am dying to move away from here. Anyway, the noise.

We always have our bedroom window open, but usually our neighbor's keep their windows closed--unless it's hot. Then our windows close, and their windows open. It's well coordinated.
This morning, with our window open and their windows open, we were flooded with morning noise:

• Alarms beeping relentlessly, being snoozed, only to go off again in 7-9 minutes. I cant tell you how many alarms--different alarms-- I heard go off between 4:30am and 5:30am! I also never realized how many people awaken to the BEEP-BEEP-BEEP alarm. Who can wake up to that and have anything close to resembling a happy day?
• Babies crying. I know they cry. I am sympathetic to that, since I had a baby and lived in pretty much an apartment. That must have sucked for my neighbors, and I'm sorry. Still, it is unpleasant to awaken to a baby crying...and crying..and crying--especially when that baby is not yours.
  
• Dogs barking. Incessantly. This dog, I want to scream at him to SHUT UP. Every freaking morning, he yips and yips like crazy. His owners are either gone or just ignore him. Who in their right mind lives in a neighborhood like this and owns a dog that is a persistent yipper? It just doesn't seem well thought out to me.
  

Hm. I do sound cranky about it, but I'm not. I am, however, really ready to move somewhere with a little more space, somewhere with a little more peace and quiet. For now, I think I will close my windows and turn the a/c back on until my neighbors close their windows again.

reunited

...and it feels so good.

This weekend was my reunion.
Awesome.

No, it really was awesome.

The funny thing about high school is that it is a short time in one's life--maybe the shortest stage--but it is the time in life when we develop our identity, which makes it a very significant period of time. Most people would never in a million years want to go through high school again, and I am in the majority, for sure; however, it's still fun to go back once every decade to see what everyone's been up to and to see the people who helped you establish your identity (that you have probably--hopefully-- shed for new identity by the 20 year reunion).

The ten year reunion, which I've whined about possibly too much, was a cliquey event. Ten years isn't a lot of time to pass between graduation and reunion. There may be some insecurities that remain, some old relationships that still hurt or cause one to feel embarrassed (not speaking from personal experience. Ha!), and you're also still trying to establish your place in the adult world.

By the twenty year reunion, we're married, maybe divorced and remarried; most of us have kids; careers are mostly established; identities are more secure and are likely vastly different than the identity one had in high school (thank god!)...everything feels more settled. At least that's how I felt, and I'm one of those people that thinks everyone feels the same way I feel.

Okay, so it's TWENTY years later, and this reunion did not feel cliquey to me at all. Of course I was hanging with my girls, but I also chatted up people that weren't part of my high school group. Most of the women looked great. Amazing, even. The guys were all men. It's weird how that happens. Some were heavier, bulkier...a few had less hair. They all wore their new looks well, though.

I only had one person who was a complete ass to me, which is exactly how he was in high school. Oh well, no worries. Obviously not everyone matures and grows in 20 years, so KH, maybe at the 25 or 30 year reunion, you can act like a reasonable mature adult.

My favorite part of the reunion was just seeing the girls I hung out with in high school (RB, JM, RR, HM, SJ, JD), and I even mingled with a few women I wasn't tight with in high school but whom I get on with awesomely now (BSR, that's you).

I missed some people: Andy, Dave, Andrew M, in particular. They were the guys I think of when I think back to high school...maybe briefly they were boyfriends, but more importantly they were boy friends. I hear they are all doing well, and that makes me so happy. Back in high school, I never would have thought that I would care what my classmates would be doing in 20 years, nor would I even imagine that I would be happy, thrilled even, at their successes and happiness. But I am. I can honestly say that being in a room with a bunch of people who really seem to be where they want to be in life--or are headed that direction-- is very uplifting and satisfying.

The gin and tonics help keep that high feeling going, I imagine.

I can't wait for the next reunion...5 years from now, maybe?

unfocused

I have about 6 unfinished blog posts that are just going to whither and die because the relevance of the posts are simply...irrelevant.

Succinctly: Paige graduated. We both survived. Summer is awesome but far too short.

We just returned from a 10 day trip to SC. It was fun. Humid, hot but wonderful. Then we came home to record temps, which I am loving. It helps to have air conditioning and a pool. This past winter was so long and horrible that I am fully appreciating the heat and sun that we are experiencing now.

Tomorrow night...
Night One of The Reunion.
Mount Si Class of 1989
'89 Rulz

It's an all-weekend-long event. Friday: meet at a bar. Saturday: The main event at the casino. I'm excited to see several people. It should be fun. There's some people who aren't going that I'd like to see, but oh well. Oh, and major excitement: there's a nightclub with a dj. I have so been craving to go to a club, but I don't want to be That Old Lady at the club. I'm hopeful that at a casino (in Snoqualmie no less), my age will be less of an issue. I'm probably delusional.

Sunday is the family picnic, which Paige doesn't want to go to because she doesn't want to be That Kid: the one that was born soon after graduation. But she's so not That Kid. There were a lot of babies born around the time she was born--more than I knew of anyway.

This should be a good weekend, but it'll probably make me feel ooollllllldddddd. Ugh.