ssshhhh

The house is quiet; the sun is sinking lower in the sky.  I love this twilight time of day, but rarely do I get to enjoy it alone in my house with nothing but the hum of the fridge and the whirr of my computer in the background of my thoughts.

Christmas is past; 2012 is just on the horizon (I can see it!), and I am hoping for a good...no, great... year.  It's healthy to be optimistic, right?

Things feel weird and strange and surreal and different lately.  Me, my life and I.

I have this insatiable need to clean everything out of my house, but I'm not so successful at the actual follow through; I think about it constantly, though.  I need to get rid of the things that make me feel weighed down, burdened.  I feel like I did when I was a kid and I would build something up with Legos only to break it apart and start over again.  Purge.  Rebirth.  But how?  It's easier to do at age 8 with Legos than at age (almost) 41 with a family.

I love my husband, my kids, my friends, my family, my home...I just feel like what needs demolition and rebuilding is within me.


Time to break the silence.

The annual hunt

Well, my December attempt at NaBloPoMo is already a total BUST, but I am okay with that.  Who the hell tried to do daily blogging (while not getting paid) during the holidays?  Crrrazzzy. 

Today we got our Christmas tree.  Every year (with a couple exceptions) we go to the same place: Cox Christmas Trees in Eatonville.  We've been going there since, I swear, 1992.  My parents moved to Eatonville in 1992, and I think that's the only place we've ever gone for a tree.  The people who own it are so cool. 

The weather held out for us today: it was warm (50*) and sunny, which never happens for us on a tree hunt day.  We got it home, stood, lit and decorated in record time.  By 6:15pm, we were sitting down to eat dinner, and the tree was all done. 

This was the first year that Paige wasn't with us to get the tree and help decorate it.  It was a little bit of a bummer, but it's okay.  I'm prepared to only take Maya with us next year to get a tree.

Paige and Harrison have leased and apartment and will be moving in January; next Christmas Paige will be finding and decorating her own Christmas tree!  I'm proud of my kid; she's taking good care of herself.  I just wish she would get her ass back to school. 

Wednesday is the day when I go visit my grandpa.  It's our standing date, and he looks forward to it every week--as do I.  The holidays are hard for anyone who has lost a loved one; today was three months since my grandma died.  While people all around him are putting up their Christmas decor, my grandpa has chosen to not do any of that.  No tree, no lights, nothing.  I know my grandma would be very sad to know that he's checked out of Christmas this year, but I get it.

He's trying to figure out what to do for Christmas this year.  My grandparents' usual Christmas eve was spent at their church's candlelight service, then they would go home and exchange gifts and then just chill out around the house until we all arrived Christmas day.

This Christmas looks to be a very lonely holiday for my grandpa. 

My mom invited my grandpa over for Christmas eve dinner, which is always spectacular.  He's of course welcome to come over as early as he'd like on Christmas day, too.  I'm kicking around the idea of having my family attend the church service with him on Christmas eve, too. 

My grandma dying has changed everything holiday in my family. 

laaazzzyyy

Night 3 of Thanksgiving leftovers.

So awesome.

This morning Maya didn't even wake up until after 11:00am; I was awake earlier than that, but I laid in bed watching Hoarding: Buried Alive on TLC.  I much prefer Hoarders on A&E.  Hoarding feels more exploitative to me.  Yeah, I know that sounds ridiculous.

Now that Thanksgiving is over, we're gearing up--like most everyone else--for the holiday frenzy.  We have our tree-hunting date on the calendar (12/8), and we still have to get started on Christmas shopping.  But really what I have on my mind most is our New Year's Eve party.  Decor, food, beverage, attire...  I really want to have a great party this year!  Wayne already has the music picked out, which we were listening to today.  Awesome.

Wayne and I think we're going to join the boot camp class at the Y that begins this week.  2x per week for 1 1/2 hours per night.  There's only space for one more person in the class time we want, so I have to call the Y tomorrow to see if we can both get in.  It's an abbreviated boot camp: only 4 weeks. That shouldn't be so bad, right?  Ugh.

perfecto

Today has been the perfect day.  I didn't even get out of my jammies!

I watched numerous episodes of Deadliest Catch Season 6 right up until Captain Phil Harris has his stroke, and then Wayne had to watch the USC Gamecocks football game.

Seeing this as an opportunity, I took a three hour nap.
Last night we were at our friends' house, and I had a bit too much to drink.  The effect is typically that I sleep hard for awhile and then wake up burning hot and unable to sleep anymore, so I was awake at about 6am--burning hot with a mouth so dry it was painful.

Hot, huh?

To finish off our perfect holiday weekend (extended weekend due to the snow earlier this week), tomorrow we will bring down the Christmas decorations.

Oh, how I love the rare unscheduled weekend!

Thanksgiving 2010

Turkey day prep

It's the night before Thanksgiving; there is snow on the ground, and the temperature isn't expected to get above freezing until tomorrow.  I'm sitting here watching a Christmas movie on the Hallmark channel (Our First Christmas) cozy in bed while Wayne snores away (literally snoring: we both have sinus stuff going on, so we're very stuffy).

Brittani came home last night; Paige and Harrison are expected to arrive tonight.  Wayne and I finished shopping yesterday, so we have everything we need to prepare Thanksgiving dinner, which will be at our house again this year.  We've got the tables set up, tablecloths laid, furniture rearranged, dishes prepared to be washed.  Today we'll make sweet potato soup, macaroni and cheese, pecan pie and brownies, which are for my sister's birthday tomorrow.  Oh.  I did forget something: her birthday gift.  

This holiday will be a little weird for me.  First of all, my oldest two kids don't live with us anymore, so there's a new dynamic there: the "visiting for the holiday" dynamic instead of being there throughout the holiday season.  More obviously, the absence of my grandma this year.  She won't be bringing her pies, her sweet potatoes and her scalloped corn.  My aunt will be preparing those dishes this year.  

I know tomorrow is going to be a great Thanksgiving--assuming everyone can get here in the snow and ice!