The house is quiet; the sun is sinking lower in the sky. I love this twilight time of day, but rarely do I get to enjoy it alone in my house with nothing but the hum of the fridge and the whirr of my computer in the background of my thoughts.
Christmas is past; 2012 is just on the horizon (I can see it!), and I am hoping for a good...no, great... year. It's healthy to be optimistic, right?
Things feel weird and strange and surreal and different lately. Me, my life and I.
I have this insatiable need to clean everything out of my house, but I'm not so successful at the actual follow through; I think about it constantly, though. I need to get rid of the things that make me feel weighed down, burdened. I feel like I did when I was a kid and I would build something up with Legos only to break it apart and start over again. Purge. Rebirth. But how? It's easier to do at age 8 with Legos than at age (almost) 41 with a family.
I love my husband, my kids, my friends, my family, my home...I just feel like what needs demolition and rebuilding is within me.
Time to break the silence.
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Friday, December 30, 2011
Thursday, December 8, 2011
ich habe keine idee
But I have many, many wonderful and witty ideas all day long.
Then I open my blogger dashboard and ....whoosh.... all my wonderful wit dissolves into dur, dur, dur.
Today we got our ginormous tree, which would not fit where I wanted to put it. I have to say, our tree looks really freaking awesome with our new floors and our painted walls.
It was bizarro to pick a tree with only one of our kids instead of two (like every year from 1996-1999 and last year) or three (like every year from 2000-2009). Maya missed her sisters and once again I was sad that we didn't have just one more kid for Maya to chum around with.
Speaking of bizarro, my oldest daughter moved into her 2nd apartment. Townhome, really. She's all mature and responsible; I'm glad I didn't strangle her during her teen years, as I almost did time and time again, because she has turned into a well-adjusted adult. Those teen years were hell, though. No joke.
I skipped both of my boot camp classes this week because I was so tired all week long. It sucked. Also, as of today it has been 84 days since my last menstrual period. No, I am not pregnant. I just had a pap a week or two after that period, and the pap came back normal, so I also do not have cancer. Therefore, I must be menopausal even though my dumbass condescending doctor claims that I am too young to be menopausal.
What does she know.
Tomorrow I visit Brazil for the third time.
Pray for me.
Then I open my blogger dashboard and ....whoosh.... all my wonderful wit dissolves into dur, dur, dur.
Today we got our ginormous tree, which would not fit where I wanted to put it. I have to say, our tree looks really freaking awesome with our new floors and our painted walls.
It was bizarro to pick a tree with only one of our kids instead of two (like every year from 1996-1999 and last year) or three (like every year from 2000-2009). Maya missed her sisters and once again I was sad that we didn't have just one more kid for Maya to chum around with.
Speaking of bizarro, my oldest daughter moved into her 2nd apartment. Townhome, really. She's all mature and responsible; I'm glad I didn't strangle her during her teen years, as I almost did time and time again, because she has turned into a well-adjusted adult. Those teen years were hell, though. No joke.
I skipped both of my boot camp classes this week because I was so tired all week long. It sucked. Also, as of today it has been 84 days since my last menstrual period. No, I am not pregnant. I just had a pap a week or two after that period, and the pap came back normal, so I also do not have cancer. Therefore, I must be menopausal even though my dumbass condescending doctor claims that I am too young to be menopausal.
What does she know.
Tomorrow I visit Brazil for the third time.
Pray for me.
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