yesterday Wayne and I went to Steilacoom to pick up my brother's bike. He's moving to Hawaii for at least a few months, and he couldn't fit his bike in his car.

I lived in Steilacoom for about two years, I guess. It was such a crazy time in my life. This was before I met Wayne. I was working as a CNA in Auburn and then in University Place. I was making anywhere from $6.50 and hour to about $8.00 per hour when I left UP Care Center in 1998. So sad.

I lived in Steilacoom from 1995-early 1997. It was so fun. It was my heady single days, when I was unattached. But it was also a time in my life when really depressing shit happened, and I made some really poor decisions.

When we drove into Steilacoom, and man, I wish i could do the view justice with a written description. We drove into Steilacoom, and we're at the crest of a hill. Below us is The Sound. Blue water, blue sky. McNeil Island in the distance, which is really pretty until you realize it's a state pen. The sound of ferries, which service McNeil and Anderson islands; the train, which runs frequently through town.

I lived here in a dumpy three bedroom duplex that cost me $625 or so a month. I had a roommate, Melissa Maier, who I worked with in Auburn; she followed me to University Place, as well. She was my party friend. We did a lot of going to Seattle clubs and Tacoma clubs after work (we worked 3-11pm). We always found a club to go to wherever we were. Our favorites were the Fenix in Seattle, Drake's and Cheer's West in Tacoma. We'd hit a random club every once in awhile, but those three were our usual haunts.

At this time, I did have Paige. She was 5 when we moved to Steilacoom. Soon enough, I changed to day shift to make life easier for Paige, who was in Kindergarten. I started to settle down, while Melissa was getting more out of control. We fought A LOT. Not just arguing either, but brawls-- actual physical, punch each other in the face kind of fighting. We drank too much. she smoked a lot of weed. We were both complete slobs.

I got pregnant in the fall. A guy I was great friends with, who happened to be married. We teased and flirted, and things just happened. I got pregnant just days or maybe a week before he got a vasectomy. His vasectomy was the day the OJ verdict came down, and I was waiting in the waiting room watching OJ on TV while my BF was getting snipped. This was at Madigan
since he was in the Army.

Anyway, so much came flooding back to me when we went to Steilacoom: the roomie, the boyfriend, the baby I lost at 28 weeks, the men I slept with whose names I can't recall, the crappy parent I was to Paige during that time.

I told Wayne that I'm glad we decided to not move to Steilacoom (in 2003) because there are so many memories in that place that I wish I could forget. I moved out of Steilacoom in 1997 to live with Wayne in University Place. Maybe someday we will live in Steilacoom again; it is a beautiful town with gorgeous homes and spectacular views, but I'm not ready to be there now. I like where I am. I'm proud of what I've accomplished. I'm happy to let my past rest in my mind as a distant memory.

In case you care, the ICAN board meeting went well. I adore Jess and Rachael so much, and they have such a passion for healthy birth that it's hard not to get psyched about it when I'm with them. We decided to make our monthly goals less ambitious, which is a good idea. Jess is leaving in a few months--once her year-in-service :-) is up.

We talked about having a myspace for our ICAN group; we're unsure if we're able to do that, however.

I teach class 12 tonight. I have adored this class tremendously. They are smart, witty and inquisitive. Two couples have had their babies: one was a homebirth(baby boy) and one was at St Joseph (baby girl). Both were amazing births, and I am so happy for them. They all look so happy to have their babes in arm.

I start another series April 24th.

Renae and Dryke had their baby, Laura, last Thursday. I finally called Renae yesterday, and she sounded great. She pushed for SIX HOURS!!! My gawd! I am in awe of her. Laura was 8lb3oz and I think they said 22" long. She was acynclitic, which means baby's head was tilted in a listening position. I think Renae is AMAZING! I'm sure Dryke must have been an awesome partner, too. We are going to visit them on Tuesday, when the kids get out of school.

Laura is a beautiful baby, too.

frustration

I am so cranky.
I feel so stretched to the limit, and I am done. I am part of ICAN of Tacoma, which is simply falling apart. Our meetings, which are informative and important, are attended by two people every time. I love those two people dearly, but is it worth my effort? I'd just as easily--and readily-- have those tow women over for coffee once a month to gab.
I just heard from my friend and co-board member (for ICAN) that she is quitting soon. That leaves me and Rachael.
We all have a meeting today, and I don't know what to do. I am so ready to just say, "Fine. I'm done, too." It stresses me out so much, each month when I anticipate the upcoming meeting. Who will attend? Who will speak? What will be our topic? How can we promote the meetings?

It makes me so mad that I may be abandoning ICAN of Tacoma because I think this is such an important and worthwhile organization. We just don't attract women who have had cesareans or women who want to prevent cesareans or women who want to VBAC. Like, no one cares about this issue?

I don't nkow what I'm going to do yet. I'll know more after our board meeting tonight. I'm so sad.

yah.