Tuesday, January 9, 2007

yes, I'm blogging a forward

It's funny though. I found it while I was cleaning out my email draft box. It's been sitting there since 5/17/06.

Washington State Barbies are FINALLY available!!!!

Seattle Barbie:
This modern day homemaker Barbie is available with a
Mercedes 4WD SUV, a Prada handbag and matching Nike Yoga ensemble. She
has a masters degree and double-majored, but has the luxury of being a
stay-at-home mom with Ken's generous salary. Comes with Percocet
prescription and Botox. Starbucks mug and traffic-jamming Blackberry
internet/cell phone device sold separately. Husband Ken is into fishing,
golfing, baseball and is often "working late." Available at a ll
Seattle-area Starbucks retailers.

Bellevue Barbie: This princess Barbie is only sold at Nordstrom. She
comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, your choice of a BMW
convertible or Hummer H2 and a long-haired foreign lapdog named "Honey."
Also available is her cookie-cutter development dream house. Available
with or without tummy tuck, facelift, and breast augmentation.
Workaholic, cheating &n bsp;husband, Ken, comes with a Porsche.

Tacoma Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun,
switchblade, '78 El Camino with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit.
This model is available only after dark and can only be purchased with
cash- preferably small bills, unless you're a cop, then we don't know what
you're talking about. Boyfriend Ken is in jail. Available at many pawn
shops.

Enumclaw Barbie: This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie comes with a
pair of high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she
chased Beer Gut Ken out of Auburn Barbie's trailer. Her ensemble
includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, strawberry lip
gloss and a see-through halter top. Purchase her Mustang convertible
separately and get a Confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
Boyfriend Ken is in treatment. Available at Army Navy Surplus.

Monroe Barbie
: This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans
2 sizes too small, steel-toed cowboy boots, a classic Metallica 'T'
shirt and a Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has fake
fingernails, a six pack of Budweiser, and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set.
She can spit over a distance of 6 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass
when she is drunk. Also available is the gold-toned cubic zirconium ring
that Ken gave her after another one of his "episodes" with his boss's
daughter. Comes with Barbie's Dream Double Wide Trailer. Available at
Wal-Mart.

Puyallup Barbie: Pregnant at purchase, this Barbie comes with a stroller
and bus pass. Also included is a G.E.D. and a completely filled out food
stamps form. Construction worker Ken and his '82 Caddy are optional.
Available at Value Village.

Vashon Island Barbie: This Barbie is made out of recycled plastic and
tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no
make-up, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She does not want, or need,
a Ken doll. If you purchase the optional Subaru wagon, you will receive a free
rainbow flag sticker. Available at REI.

Olympia Barbie: This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie
to Ken by simply adding or removing snap on parts. Walks to work. Likes
to "experiment," but will never commit. This model is being phased out
and is only available from the manufacturer.

1 comment:

Renae said...

Where have you been?
Clear the calendars... we're going to be in your neck of the woods next month and want to visit! I'll call you eventually with more details. I have a month...