Saturday, August 4, 2007

my "bitching about my family" post

we had birthdays today at my mom and dad's house.
Brittani, who turned 15 on the 26th.
My nephew, Ben, who turns 4 on Monday.
Paige, who will be 17 on the 17th of August.

It was slightly depressing and infuriating.

There are 5 "kids" who are in our family now-- my brother, sister and me and our two cousins. Four of us have our own kids. My brother has no kids.

We (Wayne and I) acknowledge every kid who has a birthday in our family. Up until recently, we even made sure to get my cousins and my sister a present for their birthdays. I refuse to any longer because none of them ever have the courtesy to acknowledge anyone else's birthday.

I'm not on speaking terms with one cousin because she's so terribly toxic. We may be at family functions together, but I just don't care to interact with her. My life is far happier and saner with out her trying to stir up drama.

My sister and I are strained. Actually, I can say I enjoy being around my sister again. For awhile, I was really angry at her, and I am sure she was angry with me, too. My sister and I were part of the drama my cousin was trying to create a year or so ago, through her lies and manipulations (how does one get to be so good at manipulation?). I miss my sister a lot and wish that we could do more together like we used to, but I think in time that will happen again. I'm confident.

We just don't talk. Like, all the shit that went down, we don't discuss at all. To me, it is always the big freaking elephant in the room, but I don't know if I should talk to her about it, or leave it be or what else to do. She thinks (thought) I judge her (taking a page from my cousin's script...), but I don't. I can say that until I'm blue in the face, though, and if she (or my cousin) has it in her head that I judge, I can't make her think otherwise. It's frustrating. But my relationship with her, as superficial as it feels to me now, seems to be getting better.

My cousin, I could give a rat's ass about, honestly. How someone can alienate her entire family and then say it's because everyone judges her and her choices, I will never quite understand. Ugh. There's just no accountability there. Never has been. It's crazy.

So, everyone, excluding my aunt and male cousin, was there at the party. My cousin was late. I don't even know why she showed up. My kids said she said several times that she didn't even want to be there. Then leave already. I don't think anyone would have cried.

Neither she nor my sister acknowledged my kids' birthdays. Even with our relationship strained, I like my cousin's kid. We get their kids gifts for their birthdays and have a relationship with the kids. They're good kids. It is so sad that my SISTER cannot even spend a moment to get a card for the kids, give $10 or something little as a gift. I can understand my cousin neglecting my kids. I mean, I hold a grudge, but this woman wrote the book on grudge holding. Not only that, but there's the whole egocentric thing she has going on, where she forgets that there are other people in the world. But my sister? That just sucks.

I'm really disappointed and a little pissed off; I think my kids are kind of going, WTF? too.

So, right before I leave my parents' house, my cousin makes my grandma cry for some reason. She came in the house crying, and my grandpa said, "do you want to go ahead and leave now?" and my grandma said, "I'm not going to let her run me off." I have no idea what my cousin said to make my grandma so upset. One can only guess. I didn't ask.

Then, Brittani comes in the house and says she wants to make some money, so could she babysit for the cousin?


No fucking way. First of all, good luck actually getting paid. Second of all, the woman is fucking unbalanced. Thirdly, I am done helping my cousin in any way, even if it would actually be Brittani doing the helping. It's always completely done without gratitude on the part of my cousin. It's as though we owe it to her to help her out. Whatever.

So I left this birthday function highly annoyed and generally disliking the other adult children in my family (except my brother, who is always awesome to the kids and who let me play Guitar Hero; he's always been a good little brother).

I really dread these family functions anymore. They are, simply put, quite painful.

I am guessing I won't have to see cousin again until, maybe, Halloween or Thanksgiving.

And my life will be drama-less until then, and I am sure she will do her thang at the next family function.

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